Monaca's Journey

Madrid

2007-07-27T13:40:00.000-05:00

I know, I know--it's been a month. It's been a long month. I have been avoiding posting because I knew if I posted I would have to tell about about this. And once I tell you about this...it's real. It's official. And I don't want it to be real or official.

Ari and I are not moving to Spain. At least it's not in the plans. I am hoping God brings us there some day... but I know it won't be any day in the next couple of years.

After I spent a summer in Spain I was really feeling a calling to go there. There had just been talk about Troy and Heather splitting off and starting a new church in the city and I was so excited about what they were doing and I was ready to go. The plan was to come home and make some money and leave. I felt a strong calling from God and I was ready.

Well, then I met Ari. And I wanted to be with him. I wanted to wait until Ari finished school before I went so that he could come with me. Then we were going to wait until we got married. And it kept being pushed off longer and longer. Finally there was no reason to push it off any longer--Ari and I were going to get married and we were going to move to Madrid.

But the calling has faded. My time is up. I don't feel needed anymore. I don't feel like this is part of God's plan anymore. I waited around for so long that I missed my calling. I always thought that when God calls you somewhere, he calls you until you are ready to go and when you go he's happy until he's ready to move you somewhere else. I'm learning that when God calls us some where, he calls us as we are. Right then and there -- drop everything and follow him. "Let the dead burry the dead"

Now I just want to finish my degree and start working as a social worker. I don't feel any other calling.

I am incredibly sad though because my heart will always be in Madrid. It's the first place I've felt like I belonged, like I fit the culture and the people. I miss it.I guess this means I'll just have to do a lot of visiting now.

I'm so sad.

My neck

2007-06-21T10:39:00.000-05:00

The last couple of weeks my neck has been really bothering me. So much so that holding my head up for longer than fifteen minutes becomes a workout. I finally went to the chiropractor this past week and he took x-rays that were scary.

God created our bodies to have a 45 degree curve in the neck. Doctors call this curve the "arc of life" because the spinal chord's most important nerves are in this area and when the arc is lost the nerves are being pinched which causes your immune system to not work properly which causes disease.

My neck x-ray looks nothing like this one on the right. The curve in my neck is actually at 5 degrees--so virtually not there. Also on the top that 5 degree curve is there but then it flips and starts to curve the wrong direction toward the bottom. Dr.Tim, my chiropractor, said this is one of the most unique cases he's seen. Also, one of the worst.

He said he can help me and he put me on a 60 sessions in 6 months plan. So for the next 12 weeks I will be going to the chiropractor 3 times a week and then for the 12 weeks after that I will be going 2 times a week. With periodic x-rays to check the progress.

No wonder my neck has been bothering me for so long. In fact, it has been bothering me since that car accident I got into. Good to know my neck has been straight for a year and a half now!

By request - the ring

2007-06-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

Ari's sister, Brienne, took this picture while we were in Minnesota last weekend. It's the best we could do--everything was coming out blurry. Once we get our engagement photos taken we will have a good picture for all you out of towners to see the ring.

the engagement

2007-06-14T13:24:00.001-05:00

This is a little overdue but better late than never, right?

Last Thursday Ari called me up. Here is a replay of the conversation (Ari's in blue, I'm in purple)
I dont really feel like cooking dinner tonight. It's been a long day and I am tired. Wanna just go out to eat?
Yeah that's fine. Where?
I don't care, where do you want to go?
Meh, we can just go to Outback.
Sounds good.
So we head over to Outback (our favorite "cheaper" restaurant) and have a nice laidback dinner and then as we are getting the check another important conversation arises.
I'm glad it didn't rain. We should do something outside.
Wanna go for a bike ride?
No I'm too tired.
Okay. Ooh, we should go to the waterfall.
Want to? Yeah, let's go.
So we head over to that waterfall in Warrenville (our favorite place to relax) and talk for a while. As the sun is setting and we could see the beautiful reflection on the water Ari announced that we should get going. I declared that I wasn't ready to go yet but he persisted. So I stood up to walk away and he grabed my hand and turned me toward him and huged me. Then he got down on one knee and I exclaimed "GET OUT" and he asked me to marry him.

So, Ari and I are getting married on Friday, December 28, 2007!

2007-06-07T13:19:00.000-05:00

Hymn for the day:

God is mys trong salvation
What foe have I to fear?
In darkness and temptation
My light, my help is near:
Though hosts encamp around me,
Firm to the fight I stand;
What terror can confound me,
With God at my right hand?

Place on the Lord reliance,
My soul with courage wait;
His truth be thine affiance,
When faint and desolate.
His might they heart shall strengthen,
His love thy joy increase;
Mercy thy days shall lengthen,
They Lord will give thee peace.

Coming together

2007-06-06T15:31:00.000-05:00

Life feels like it is coming together.

That sentence feels funny for me to say because I am not one of those people that generally have things figured out but I always want people to think that I have my head on straight. I don't. I've never had things all figured out, but I was never meant to.

My journey continues and it is a glorious one. I hit rough waters, I walk through flames and my GOD continues to sustain me.

At the end of the Return of the King Frodo while the last ship is boarding to leave for middle earth Frodo wonders "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart you know--there is no going back?" Over the past couple weeks I have come to realize that you can't. You simply can't pick up the threads of an old life when everything around you has changed. That's what makes our journeys so unique, so adventurous. That's what makes it a journey. We learn from our mistakes, change from our past, prepare for our future. We live. We continue forward without regrets.

My life is coming together because I am finally figuring this one thing out -- I do not have to know everything. I do not have to know where I'll be six months from now or when I am moving to spain or where I'll be eating dinner next Thursday. I do not have to know who I am going to marry (although I already do know that) or how to get past trials in a relationship or how to be a better friend. All I need to do is follow Jesus and the rest will play itself out.

Sir Winston Churchill said "Every day you make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey but this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."

belated birthday thing

2007-05-22T16:22:00.000-05:00

Well, my birthday was last week and I thought this would be fun...

------10 years ago---------------

1.) How old were you? 12
2.) Where did you go to school? Benjamin Middle School
3) Where did you work? didn't
4.) Where did you live? With mom and dad in West Chicago
5.) Where did you hang out? Christine Wolniak's house... all the time
6.) Did you wear glasses? Yes
7.) Who was your best friend(s)? Christine Wolniak
8.) Who was your crush? Hans Colliander
9.) How many tattoos did you have? None
10.) How many piercings did you have? One in each ear
11.) What car did you drive? I didn't
12.) Did you drink or smoke? Nope
13.) Had your heart broken? I was twelve!
14.) Were you Single, Taken, Engaged, Married, Divorced, or Widowed? *see above*
15.) What were your main interests/activities? swimming and playing games with Christine and volleyball and basketball

----------------5 years ago----------------------

1.)How old were you? 17
2.) Where did you go to school? West Chicago high school
3.) Where did you work? St. Vincent DePaul thrift store
4.) Where did you live? Basically in my car! but technically with my parents still
5.) Where did you hang out? Evangel Baptist, Bakers Square, Wendy and Steve Taylor's house, anywhere that wasn't home
6.) Did you wear glasses? Contacts
7.) Who was your best friend(s)? Kelly Wagers
8.) Who was your crush? I was in between crushing on Aaron Troy and Joe Wagers
9.) How many tattoos did you have? None
10.) How many piercings did you have? Two in each ears and my cartilage in my left year
11.) What car did you drive? Micah, my buick white regal
12.) Did you drink or smoke? Nope
13.) Had you had your heart broken? No
14.) Were you Single, Taken, Engaged, Married, Divorced, or Widowed? Single
15.) What were your main interests/activities? Hanging out with my friends, being super involved at Evangel, helping out at the junior high youth group, choir, forensics (speech team)

----------------------NOW------------------------

1.) How old are you? 22
2.) Where do you go to school? Not in school
3.) Where do you work? Benjamin Middle School
4.) Where do you live? back in with mom and dad...
5.) Where do you hang out? work, Ari's house, Celeste's house, anywhere there is good company
6.) Do you wear glasses? Contacts
7.) Who are your best friend(s)? Ann M
8.) Who is your crush? I'm a little old for crushes
9.) How many tattoos do you have? one
10.) How many piercings do you have? five in one ear, three in the other, and my nose used to be and will be again soon
11.) What kind of car do you drive? Grace, my sebring convertible
12.) Do you drink or smoke? I'll have wine or beer occasionally (and margaritas) but I don't get drunk and I sometimes smoke cigars socially
13.) Has your heart been broken? No
14.) Are you Single, Taken, Engaged, Married, Divorced, or Widowed? I am very happily in a relationship
15.) What are your main interests/activities? Ari, spending quality time with friends, playing board games, flippy cup, road trips, europe trips, following Jesus

taking care of business

2007-05-09T19:29:00.000-05:00

I am doing relay for life on Friday and I have not yet reached my goal for fundraising. Please visit my website an consider donating. This is for a great cause I am walking to honor Dawn Leo (Ari's mom) and Erica Walter (my cousin). These are two amazing women who have impacted my life through their strength. To visit my RFL website click here

I did something to mess up my computer so I lost ALL of my bookmarks. So if anyone with a blog could send me your link so I can stay as updated on your lives as you stay on mine, I'll greatly appreciate it (even if you read this an think "she probably didn't read mine anyway" chances are, I did!) Thanks! Email address is lamonaca5@yahoo.com

Thank you so much!

walking through fire part 2

2007-05-03T20:26:00.000-05:00

I apologize for my last post.

To explain myself, I am struggling with something. I feel betrayed and alone and confused and I have so many questions. While asking them, including the ones I expressed on my blog, I realized that God has been preparing me for this particular struggle, even when I had no idea it was coming.

Because of converstations with a friend, I have been challenged incredibly in my walk with Christ. I have had to find answers to questions that, in return, helped me to memorize scripture. The scripture I have memorized in the past couple months are words that our Lord knew I would need to remember through this trial.

I know I will get through it and I know I will come out stronger because I am learning to rely on the strength of God and He has more strength than any of us could ever imagine.

So let's all praise God for being so present in the darkest of times. For being my hope, my joy, my light, my strength, my one true love.

I'll write more later, I just needed to post this and let you all know that I really am okay. And though it feels like I am getting burned--I am confident that God is a God of love and that He will never let me be consumed by the flames.

walking through fire

2007-05-02T23:28:00.000-05:00

Isaiah 43:2 says "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."

This is a verse that I carry with me every day believing that it is true. I have seen it in my life and I have seen it in others' lives.

As of today, I am walking through fire and I am trying so hard not to be consumed, but I feel like I am burning up. If I get burned does that mean that I didn't believe hard enough? Or that I didn't have enough faith? Or that I am not one of His chosen ones? Or that I am not good enough (which I'm not). If I get burned, does that mean that all of this is a lie? A lie.

Lies are funny things. We've all told them, but they destroy lives; they burn.

Could it all be a lie? Or is that just what the enemy wants me to think? If that is the case, than what happens if I do get burned?

Why I love kids but don't want to be a mom

2007-04-22T01:10:00.000-05:00

I got a call two days ago asking if I could babysit tonight. I had many options of plans for tonight (which is not normal for my Saturdays) but I welcomed the opportunity to babysit. I kept telling people it was because I need the money, but, in reality, I simply enjoy babysitting.

Halfway through the day today I realized that I wouldn't be getting there until 8:30 which meant the kids would be in bed and I got really sad. When I got there Lisa (the mom) told me that Brianna (the 3 1/2 year old) was up twenty minutes earlier asking "is Monaca here yet?" and when her mom said no she asked "Next time can she come earlier so I can play with her?"

That melted my heart and made me ask myself "why dont I want kids?" Really, I am good with kids and I love being around them at most times. I have an incredible amount of patience when it comes to kids. Then I started wondering why I loved being a nanny so much but don't really enjoy working in a school as much (don't get me wrong, I love my job, I just really miss nannying). Then it hit me.

My favorite moments at work are when the kids make me laugh. I loved coaching the girls basketball team because they were so down to earth and I could goof around with them and they respected me and we just had fun. I love babysitting and nannying because I just get to be a kid. I get to play games and laugh and have fun. Most times the kids respect me-no questions asked. When I am at work I have to be an adult. I have to act like an adult and not laugh when people fall down and not laugh at silliness.

I don't like being an adult.

I love being around kids because they are so innocent. When they smile my world seems to make sense. Parents so often get wrapped up in "being the adult" that they forget how important the little things are. The laughter that can melt a heart becomes a high pitched noise that causes a headache. The innocent barrage of questions become a nuisance. Kids get used to their parents as the disciplinarian and get used to the routine of life with their parents and (even if it is a fun routine) welcome the break when a babysitter comes. When I babysit the kids get my full attention and, for however long I am there, they are my only responsibility. I don't have to think about laundry and work and cleaning and other people and "adult things." My world becomes them and they keep my world turning.

Maybe I will want to be a mom someday--I hear kids are a joy. But for now, I hope this clears up the question people always ask and I hope you will all stop asking. I love kids because they bring out a part of me that I like. They remind me of faith and joy and hope and pure love and innocence. They let me be me without judgement. They play with me and let me teach them new things. They know how to have fun and they include me in their fun. How could I not love kids?

You're the one that I want

2007-04-21T16:18:00.000-05:00

I'm going to teach Crocket how to do this...

Till we meet again

2007-04-20T18:16:00.000-05:00

A memorial service was held for Grandma Dunkeld on Monday and I have been thinking about a song that was sung at the service since then. It was, of course, sung in Shona (the language of Zimbabwe) but it was beautiful. I think I would want this to be sung at my funeral as well. I love hymns. Here's the English version.

God be with you till we meet again;
by his counsels guide, uphold you,
with his sheep securely fold you;
God be with you till we meet again.

Till we meet, till we meet,
till we meet at Jesus' feet;
till we meet, till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
neath his wings securely hide you,
daily manna still provide you;
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
when life's perils thick confound you,
put his arms unfailing round you;
God be with you till we meet again.

Till we meet, till we meet,
till we meet at Jesus' feet;
till we meet, till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
keep love's banner floating o'er you,
smite death's threatening wave before you;
God be with you till we meet again.

How exciting is it that the Bible tells us we will recognize faces when we get to Heaven? Not only will we be worshiping our glorious Lord for eternity, we will be among loved one and friends. We will forever be with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Go away and never come back.

2007-04-14T16:30:00.000-05:00

Maybe this is a result of Easter passing or maybe it's because Easter Sunday a year ago I was baptized or maybe it's because God is just that good, but regardless of why, I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. I have been asking myself questions like "why did he die for me?" I fail him all the time and he still wants me to be with him forever?? why?

Then I remember Psalm 139. He knit me together in my mothers womb. He has laid his hand upon me. No matter where I go, he is there. He knows my every thought, every word, every move. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. All of my days were written in his book.

I have had a lot of ghosts from the past that cause a lot of pain in my heart and leave room for the enemy to sneak his way in and tell me lies. I have sinned, as we all have, and I often fall short of the glory of God. Almost two years ago I wrote a post called the armor of God and I talked about how Satan uses our weaknesses to get into our minds. This is why we need the armor of God (read Ephesians 6 for more information). In the post, I talked about Smeagol and Gollum from Lord of the Rings and how our spiritual fights are much like his. Think about it.

Gollum:They're thieves! They're thieves! They're filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where is it? They stole it from us, our precious. Curse them! WE hates them! it's ours it is, and we wants it! We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
Smeagol: No! Not master.
Gollum: Yes precious. First they cheat you, hurt you, LIE.
Smeagol: Master's my friend!.
Gollum: You don't have any friends, nobody likes you!
Smeagol: I'm not listening, I'm not listening.
Gollum: You're a liar and a thief.
Smeagol: No!
Gollum: Murderer.

That sound like fights I constantly have in my head. Don't trust them. They'll lie to you, hurt you, cheat you! Nobody likes you! You have no friends! You're worthless.

But they keep going.

Smeagol: Go away!
Gollum: Go away?
Smeagol: I hate you, I hate you.
Gollum: Where would you be without me? Gollum! Gollum saved us! It was me! We survived because of me!
Smeagol: Not anymore.
Gollum: What did you say?
Smeagol: Master looks after us now, we don't need you anymore. Leave now and never come back!

This is what Jesus has done for us. He has given us the power to say to the enemy "No! Go away. I dont need you anymore! Jesus is all I need now. Jesus is my master!"

But it goes on...

Smeagol: Master looks after us now, we don't need you anymore. Leave now and never come back!
Gollum:What?
Smeagol: LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK! [Gollum screams]
Smeagol:LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK! [Silence]
Smeagol: We told him to go away and away he goes! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!

The Bible tells us that Jesus has set us free. We have the power to tell satan to go away and with the power of God, he will. Satan is no match compared to God and God is on our side! So we don't have to live in fear and live in lies and live in unhappiness becuase Jesus is our savior and he died so that we could live. He died so that we can tell satan to take his lies and leave and the enemy has no choice because he is WEAK.

How amazing is this? The weakness of God is still stronger than the strongest man (1 Corinthians 1:25) and with the strength of God, because of Jesus, there is a way out of every temptation to sin (1 Corinthians 10:13). He gives us the strength to not believe the lies of the enemy and to call him out on them and tell him to go away.

That is why Jesus died for us. God loved us so much that he sent his son so that we could call him master and live with him for eternity. When I was baptized a year ago I started my life over. All of my sins were washed away and along with them went the lies of the devil because I know I have been forgiven and I know I am loved.

Thank you for loving me Lord, even when I forget why.

Answers

2007-04-07T14:21:00.001-05:00

In my previous post I asked a bunch of questions about gossip. Here is what I have come up with thus far.

We know that it is never okay to gossip. The Bible talks about this in numerous places. (Check out Matthew 15:10-11... this is my favorite verse on this topic)

Ephesians 5:11 says do not take part in the unfruitful works of the darkness (for context read 5:6-12). This clearly means we should never join in the conversation in any way. Okay so far so good. Now what?

Proverbs 20:19 says who ever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefor do not associate with a simple babbler. Does this mean that we should walk away?

Yes, I think we should walk away. Here's why:

James 1:27 says ...keep oneself unstained from the world (for context read 1:26-27). How are we to stay unstained from the world if we are allowing ourselves to hear malicious attacks on other people. If we are listening to gossip we are listening to things of this world. Proverbs 26:22 says the words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body (read 26:20-23 for more info). If this is true, and I believe it is because it is in the Bible, than how can we listen to gossip and not have it infect us? It goes down into the inner parts of our body... do I really want the Holy Spirit inside of me to be exposed to the words of a "whisperer"?

Just as, if not more, important than what is said above is this: where is are focus when people gossip and where is our focus supposed to be? Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things (Philippians 4:8). Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth (Colossians 3:2). If we stand there and listen to the gossip that is being spoken, whether we participate in the conversation or not, we are not putting our focus on what we are supposed to be focusing on. If we listen, we are setting our minds on things of this earth, not things that are above. Listening to gossip is as bad as taking part in gossip because we lose focus, thus being tempted to sin. And we all know what the Bible says about that in Matthew 18 - if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.

One last thought. As Christians we are called to be salt to the earth and a light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16). If we are listening to gossip without making it clear that we don't want any part of those conversations we are not being a light to the world. Instead, by not walking away we are making ourselves just like everyone else on this earth. We are almost condoning that kind of behavior and that is one of the last things we should want as Christians. How can we be an example of Christ if we don't stand out from the nonbelievers?

Good questions about gossip

2007-04-06T23:03:00.000-05:00

I made a new friend a couple months ago and I want to tell you about our friendship because I have been blessed immensely by it.

Outwardly, her and I are very different people. She is much older than I am. She is an artist, I am far from it. She is not very outspoken, I generally speak my mind. She is soft-spoken, I am Italian (enough said). She loves cats, I think cats are the spawn of satan. She loves being a mom, I never want to be a mom. She always feels bad when people get hurt, I laugh. I love roller coasters and rollerblading down lake shore drive and playing sports and you wouldn't find her near anything daring or athletic. I think you get my point.

Inwardly, her and I are very similar people. We both love Jesus. We both love being around people but need to be alone to re energize. We like the same books. We have similar love languages. We have similar attitudes about almost everything (except cats). And there is a lot more but I can't share them without you knowing the both of us and our stories of how we became who we are today.

When her and I talk, even from day one of our friendship, we never talk about surface level garbage. We always talk about the things that matter. We talk about what it means to be a Christian in a fallen world. We ask questions about life and share our stories.

You know the book Tuesdays with Morrie? Every Tuesday this guy goes to visit Morrie and they talk and share their life stories and every conversation is a learning lesson. That is my friend and me. We call it our "after schools" conversations.

During our last "after schools" conversation, my friend brought up a topic that consistently weighs on my heart--judgement and gossip and judging gossipers. Let me explain.

After a faculty meeting one day, my friend was talking to someone and a coworker came up to that person and said something that was very clearly making fun of another coworker and they both laughed. My friend was appalled. First, this was obviously a coworker these two people have made fun of before. Second, why did this coworker think it was okay to make fun of someone else in front of my friend? (Sorry for the lack of names, I just can't use names in case anyone at work reads this). So my friend came to me asking what should she have done in that situation.

I wasn't sure, this is a tough one for me. This is a question I constantly go back and forth on. If she said something along the lines of "please don't talk like that in front of me" then these nonbelievers would have just accused her of being a judgemental Christian. She obviously didn't take part in the conversation or even laugh when they were laughing but should she have done more? Should she have walked away? What could be done in a situation like that?

The bible is very clear on gossip. We are not to let cursings and blessings come from the same mouth and it is not the things we put into our mouths that defile us but the things that come out of our mouths and so on. But where does it talk about when others are gossiping in front of you? I know it has to be somewhere in the Bible and for some reason I never looked into it until today. I did find an answer and I will share it with you tomorrow.

Passions and Goals

2007-03-31T11:07:00.000-05:00

I was talking to a friend of mine about passion and how important it is to be passionate about things and to have goals for ourselves. I just recently created a list of goals for myself and realized how closely related most of my goals are to the things I am passionate about. I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about all the things that I am passionate about and here is a list I came up with.

I am passionate about:
Jesus—if I didn’t have the Lord in my life there is no way I would be where I am today.
Family—no explanation needed here. My family is the only constant I have had in my life. They have been there for every stage of my life and supported me continually.
Building relationships—I love meeting new people and learning about their lives and going deeper in relationships I already have.
Love—This goes without saying. What was the greatest commandment (according to Jesus)? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind; likewise, love your neighbor as yourself.
Children—I think it is important that children are valued in our world, hence my wanting to be a social worker –> breaks out into song “I believe the children are our future…”
Life—As I have seen recently, I have no idea when my life will end or when anyone of my friends' lives will end. So, I want to live life to it’s fullest.
Music—I don’t really know why, but it keeps me going. It frees my soul.
Writing—it’s the best way I know how to express myself.

My goals:
Live – I want to live each day as if it were my last. I won’t let the sun go down on my anger and make sure I have no regrets.
Love – I want to love to my ultimate ability. I, of course, am human and will falter but I don’t want anyone in my life to be unsure of how important they are to me.
Health – I plan to loose weight. I will eat healthier and exercise regularly. God gave me this body and it is a temple therefore, I want to keep it healthy for him.
Relationships – I want to be the best friend/girlfriend/sister/cousin/daughter/aunt I can possibly be.
Jesus – I want my life to be a reflection of Christ’s. I want to be a light on a hill, salt to the earth, etcetera.
Joy – A friend told me recently that I don’t seem as happy as I used to be and that worries him. I want to laugh more and find the true joys in life, find happiness in the little things.
Priorities – I want to keep my priorities straight: God, Family, Friends, Work.

So if any of you want to keep me accountable on these goals, I am up for the challenge.

Give Me Jesus

2007-03-30T15:47:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. Mostly, what being a Christian is all about.

I've been spending some time with friends who are into the whole "party scene" lately and I have realized what made them stop walking the walk. It isn't that they are angry at God or don't believe, it is way more simple. It is easier to just not care.

Apathy is the best tool the devil has. If we just did't care about how we live our lives, things would be easier.

Last week, I went to my great uncle's wake. While there, I mentioned to my mom and dad that I used to have my funeral planned out in case anything ever happened to me. I want the song Give Me Jesus to be sung out my funeral.

In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus
When I am alone, give me Jesus
When I come to die, give me Jesus

Not only do I want that song to be sung, but I want people to hear it and think "that song is fitting." I don't want to be apathetic, making my life easier. No one ever said life was going to be easy--Jesus' life surely was not. I want to wake up every morning saying "Lord, I give this day to you" and live each day glorifying him. So when I come to die I can honestly say, "give me JESUS."

After hearing the news of Grandma Dunkeld yesterday, I was driving in my car listening to my favorite Christian radio station. Of course, the song I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe came on. It made me cry.

I can only imagine what it will be like 
When I walk by your side 
I can only imagine what my eyes will see 
When your face is before me 
I can only imagine 

Surrounded by your glory 
What will my heart feel? 
Will I dance for you Jesus, 
Or in awe of you be still? 
Will I stand in your presence, 
Or to my knees will I fall? 
Will I sing Halelluja, 
Will I be able to speak at all? 
I can only imagine

I want to live my life knowing that one day that moment will come and I wont have to wonder what it will be like anymore because I will finally be at home, forever with my Lord.

Grandma Dunkeld

2007-03-29T07:39:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the lack of communication on my end. There has been crazyness going on--and not the normal kind.

For starters, one of my closests friends' grandma had a massive heart attack last week. I have known Grandma Dunkeld for five years and she is an amazing woman. She was a missionary for some astronomical number of years in Africa and she has always been a passionate woman. This year we celebrated her 90th birthday and believe me, she doesn't act, let alone look, 90.

On Friday morning at about 3:30 she started having a heart attack. An ambulence was called and everyone rushed over to the hospital. The left side of her heart was clogged at 100% and the right was clogged at 90%. After a couple days of pain and claiming she was "ready to go home to Jesus" the doctor told her that her heart is strong and she is going to live to be 100. Her reply of course was, "I don't want to be 100, do you know what people who are 100 look like? OLD!" Good old Grandma Dunkeld still had her wit and sense of humor.

Monday they moved her out of the Intensive Cardiac care unit into the regular cardiac care unit. I was there when they moved her. I was sitting in her room having a conversation with her (she was telling me about when she broke her tailbone years ago) and I was thinking about how great she looked. She was upbeat and wanting to go home to her house (and dog who wont eat without her there). All of a sudden my vision started going black and I said "I'm blacking out" without warning. I completely fainted and Auntie Lois (Celeste's aunt) caught me and sat me down. As soon as I woke up I vomitted. It was terrible. A nurse came with a wheel chair and brought me down to the emergency room where I spent the next 7 hours hooked up to IVs and monitors. Apparently I was very dehydrated. Great.

So, I haven't been able to make it to the hospital since my Monday episode but everyone has been telling me that Grandma is doing well. Celeste even told me last night that they were thinking about discharging her into rehab today. I told Celeste I would come by to see her in the afternoon.

This morning at 7am I got a phone call that said Grandma Dunkeld had another massive heart attack. I called Celeste to see if she wanted me to come to the hospital and she made it sound like they are basically just waiting for her to let go now. Ari's mom didn't even know if she would be able to make it to the hospital in time.

So, that is what has been going on. This week has been filled with tears, laughter, joy, peace, sorrow, fear, and prayers.

A scripture comes to mind right now and it is what really keeps me going often.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. -- Matthew 11:28-30

I do not need to worry about the happenings around me. Jesus will take care of all of it. He will give us rest. I musn't worry about Grandma Dunkeld. I know if she dies that she will be out of pain and at home with Jesus. And, though everyone here will miss her on earth, we will see her again one day and be able to spend eternity with her. Whatever happens, I will find rest in Jesus.

As I finished typing this post I got a phone call from Celeste. Grandma Dunkeld didn't make it.

Don't hassel the hoff!

2007-03-18T18:37:00.000-05:00

pparently, David Hasselhoff was seriously trying to build a career in music with these videos... (supposedly he made it big in Europe) Check these out, they are hillarious! his voice isn't too bad either.

Jump in my Car

2007-03-18T18:34:00.000-05:00

Hooked on a Feeling

the love movement

2007-03-09T17:25:00.000-06:00

Someone let me down yesterday.

Someone told me that (s)he was going to show up somewhere and then didn't. No phone call. No warning. Nothing.

It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like I needed this person to be there. It wasn't like I couldn't go on without this person. Which is why (s)he didn't understand when I was upset.

I understand when someone says they'll be somewhere and then before that time I get a phone call saying, "I'm not feeling well" or "I don't want to drive in this weather" or "My dog got sick" or whatever. I understand because it happens to me all the time. That's life--welcome to living. What I do not understand and do not appreciate is when there is no phone call and no emergency.

That is an issue of trust. If I can't trust I can't depend on you and a lack of dependence is a lack of any sort of good relationship.

Someone let me down yesterday but I forgave him/her and we set things right.

Even more frustrating to me than someone letting me down is someone not forgiving me or moving on from me letting him/her down.

I am human, just as you are. I make mistakes just as you have. I let people down just as we all do. I sometimes forget what is right and what is wrong. I sometimes forget that everybody reacts to things differently and that something that may not be a big deal to me is a big deal to someone else. I ask to be forgiven.

Please do not hold a grudge. I have never intentionally hurt anyone (except maybe my brother when I was younger.... but that's another story). Just as I have to realize that no one is out to get me, we all need to realize that no one is out to get us.

Where is the joy in holding a grudge?

I honestly believe that it takes more energy to be mean and hold a grudge than it takes to just love one another as we would want to be loved.

I want to start a movement called The Love Movement where everyone loves each other as Christ loved the church. Who's with me?

An Inconvenient Truth

2007-02-27T23:40:00.000-06:00

My friend, Bob

2007-02-19T09:36:00.000-06:00

I have gotten a lot of questions and emails regarding my last post. So let me clarify what I believe.

As I Christian I have a struggle that continuously haunts me. There are plenty of instances where the liberal part of me says "yes, fight for that belief!" and the Christian part of me says "whoa, slow down a second. Would Jesus fight for this?" And that is where it gets iffy.

Though we have the Bible, there are so many things I am unclear on. Take homosexuality, for instance. Yes, it clearly says in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin. But so was prostitution and Jesus spent most of his time with the prostitutes and tax collectors. Jesus preached love--love everyone. We are all sinners and sin is sin, period. Whether it's not forgiving our brothers and sisters or prostitution or lying or homosexuality or lusting after that man or woman on TV, it is sin. Sin is sin. So why is the church pushing away homosexuals? Why is the church hating someone who had an abortion? Why does the church look down upon a man or woman who is divorced? Why does the church turn its back on people who need to see the love of Jesus more than anything?

More importantly, why hasn't the church turned its back on me? I am a sinner. And believe me, I am not better than any one else the church "looks down upon". I hold grudges and sometimes lie and sometimes I stuff my face with ho-hos. I find myself gossiping and sometimes I admire God's creation of Michael Vartan a little too much... Why has the church accepted me? Who decided those things are okay and I can repent and be forgiven but my brother who is gay and my sister who had an abortion and my brother who is divorced--they can't repent? they won't be forgiven? they aren't worthy??? (by my brother and sister I mean brothers and sisters in Christ).

True, they aren't worthy. But neither are you. Niether am I. No one is worthy, I am sure of that much.

So, though I don't really think that this guy who wrote Initiative 957 is really going to get his point across, I support the point he is trying to make. Which brings me to my next frustration (then I'll get off my soap box).

I have a friend whom I will call Bob. Bob and I were joking around one day and I said "you're going to go to hell for saying that" and he said "well, I don't believe in hell, so I guess I'm safe." That got me thinking.

You can tell Bob that homosexuality is a sin all you want but he doesn't believe in God, so why would that matter to him? If he doesn't believe in an after life, who are we to tell him he cannot be happy in his life on Earth? You see, I often see the corrupt world and remind myself that I am not home. That I have hope because I will be spending an eternity with God. Bob doesn't have that hope. He is home. This is his life--he only has one and he will live it to the fullest. I'm not saying that Bob is gay, but if he were, who are we to tell him he cannot be happy? Why can the government tell him he cannot get married?

Now some of my other Christian friends (particularly those friends from Calvin) would tell me that marriage is a unity between a man and a woman under God. True. So let's not let the Buddists and the Muslims and the agnostic and the atheists get married then too. If non-christians can get married in a courthouse (which is not a unity under God, by the way) then why can't homosexuals? So even if Bob isn't gay, because he doesn't believe in God does that mean he cannot fall in love? Does that mean he cannot commit to spend the rest of his life with a woman? Should we not allow him to get married because it would not be a unity under God because he does not believe in God? How is that fair? If marriage is about God, why do we get marriage certificates and it becomes a legal act? Where is the seperation of church and state?

If I get married, you better believe it will be a unity under God. I believe in God and I will marry someone else who believes. We will get married in a church and become one in God's eyes, but we will also become united as man and woman legally. The legal part is all the non-christians are looking for. They just want to be united legally.

As a Christian, I believe Jesus loves homosexuals just as much as he loves me. I also believe Jesus loves me just as much as he loves rapists and murderers. I believe he loves murderers just as much as he loves you. I believe he loves you just as much as he loves pastors and preachers and priests. I believe he loves priests just as much as he loves my friend, Bob. I believe he loves my friend, Bob, just as much as he loves my dad, who is becoming a Deacon. I believe he loves my dad just as much as he loved Judah, who betrayed him. I believe he loved Judah just as much as he loved his other disciples. I believe he loves his disciples just as much as he loved the prostitutes and tax collectors with whom he spent so much time. Get my point?

Marriages not legal if unable to procreate??

2007-02-14T16:56:00.000-06:00

While browsing through cnn.com--the only thing in my life that keeps me updated on current events--I came across a video titled Have Baby in 3 Years or Divorce, Proposal Says and got curious. I watched this video and found myself completely appalled by this new proposal. Initiative 957 is requiring that marriages in the state of Washington have a child within 3 years of their marriage. They must prove that they are able to procreate before getting married and if they do not the marriage will be annulled.

I have so many things to say about this -- especially as someone who decided when I start my own family I do not want to put more children on this earth when there are so many in need of adoption.

I decided to do a little research on this to ensure that I know what I am talking about when I start to fight against this propsal and boy am I glad I did.

While it is true that they are trying to get I-957 on the ballot in November, it is not true that the creator of the proposal is serious about it. Instead, he is serious about a much larger issue--what defines a marriage?

When Washington passed a law that same sex marriages are not legal in the state of Washington the Supreme Court mentioned procreation multiple times as support behind that decision. This new proposal is solely to raise awareness of the absurdity of saying who can and cannot fall in love and decide to spend the rest of their lives together.

If I am unable to birth a child would it be fair for my government to tell me I cannot get married because marriage is for the purpose of procreation. Isn't that what the Catholic church believes? Who gets to say that the Catholic church is wrong or right here? Likewise, if I fall in love with another woman is it fair for my government to tell me I cannot marry her because marriage is a union between a man and a woman? Isn't that what the Catholic church believes? Again, who gets to say the Catholic church is wrong or right here?

Where do we draw the line of separation of church and state? Isn't homosexuality wrong because the church said so? It is a sin, I don't disagree with that but so is having sex before marriage and I don't see states outlawing that...

Just some things to ponder before making a decision and standing by it on whether or not same sex marriage should be legal.

To read the article I read about Initiative 957 click here

Look out Boston, here I come

2007-02-08T16:11:00.000-06:00

I'll be in Boston with my cousin Anna this weekend to visit Justin and our friends Jeff and D.J.! I can't wait.

I don't think Boston is ready for the LaMonaca cousins...

MIA

2007-02-05T19:22:00.000-06:00

Sorry I have been missing for the last couple weeks. A lot has been going on. Here's a "brief" update. (I put "brief" in quotation marks because nothing is ever really brief with me... is it?)

My tailbone
It's healing. Slowly but surely. The doctor said people feel pain anywhere from three weeks to ten. For once in my life I think I am on the "fast track". It has been three weeks and I am starting to be able to sit on one cheek at a time. That's nice because I do not need to carry around my donut. Hopefully I will be healed sooner than later.

The Bears
I have been waiting for the Chicago Bears to win the superbowl my entire life. I cannot express my excitement two weeks ago when we defeated the Saints to win the NFC Championship. I was so sure they would win (esspecially against the Colts). Yes, the Colts had one of the best kickers in the NFL, but so did we. Yes the Colts had one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL but so did... wait a minute.... Rex Grossman sucks! However, we had a chance. We had one of the best runningbacks in the NFL. If Grossman had handed the ball over to Thomas Jones every time, we would have dominated. Benson's not so bad either, but he had to go and hurt himself. Anyway, there's no point in dwelling--just know that I am mourning. The bears haven't won a superbowl since I was 7 months old... and I am still waiting.

My Job
I started coaching the girls basketball team. I felt like the boys team had ruined the coaching experience for me, so I was not very excited. We had a game last Thursday and we lost by three points. It was a close game, but my team has a large--how should I put this--lack of talent... I'm not trying to be mean. They are in 6th grade and most of them have not played on a team before. That's fine. I would take this team ANY day over what I had with the boys--cocky players who throw the game by not listening to/challenging the coach. The girls team vs the boys team is like night and day. The girls get excited every time they score. They play with enthusiasm and they listen to everything I tell them to do. When we won they were jumping around with joy. Who wouldn't want to coach such a wonderful team?

Family Reunion!
This week Mike, Beth, and Cassandra (my brother, sister-in-law, and niece) came in town. They live in Arizona, so it's a huge treat when we get to see them. Then Sunday Christopher and Erika (my other brother and sister-in-law) came up to visit. So today I took off work, as did my mom and dad, and we spent the day together as a family. We haven't done that since before Christopher even knew Erika! It was wonderful. I finally feel like I am getting to know Beth and my niece actually knows who I am! It's nice. Another thing that is nice is that Mike finally got to meet Ari and I like that my brothers are getting to know him. I feel like that is important. I love my family.

So, that's been my excitement over the last two weeks. Life is good. God is good.

One God-One Word-One Way

My Coccyx

2007-01-23T18:55:00.000-06:00

Monday at 5:30 in the morning I was walking down the stairs and I somehow slipped. I hit the first stair so hard that I bounced up and missed the next two stairs and then slid on my tushy the rest of the way down. By the time I got to the bottom, the entire room was spinning and everything started to go black. Next, I threw up.

I don't really remember hitting my head - but somehow I got a minor concusion. I do remember hitting my tushy--that hurt more than I could have imagined. There is a small hairline fracture in my coccyx (my tailbone... I just like that word). I also unaligned my back somewhere in the process and now have a back that looks like an "S".

And I had gone so long without getting hurt. Geeze.

We're going to the Super Bowl!!

2007-01-22T18:17:00.000-06:00

Four days! yay!

2007-01-14T18:32:00.000-06:00

This weekend was a four day weekend for me! Friday was an institute day so the teachers had to stay but not the TAs which meant I got to relax all day. Then Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day which, again, means I get to relax all day. Leave it to Ari to go out of town on the weekend I have four days!

I didn't really do anything this weekend. I mainly just enjoyed the break from life. Over holiday break I didn't get much time to myself cause I was with my cousins all the time or working on stuff for the MOLE or with my mom and dad. So this weekend was just Crocket and me. I read a lot, taught Crocket the point of fetch (he never really caught on to it before), watched Forrest Gump with Mom and Dad, and took Crocket for a run. Fun times.

So now Ari is back and we are going out to dinner and tomorrow we are not doing anything or talking to anyone. That's my plan at least.

I don't really have much else to say. Sooooo... peace out.

A million ways

2007-01-12T17:09:00.000-06:00

This is the same group who did the "Here We Go Again" song (the one with the treadmills)

I am so going to learn this dance!

Enjoy

Check it out

2007-01-12T14:32:00.000-06:00

http://www.one.org/

FORGIVENESS

2007-01-08T18:24:00.000-06:00

I have been learning an important lesson in forgiveness. And here it is... I need to forgive.

Sounds simple right? WRONG. I always thought I was a forgiving person and that I didn't hold grudges, but I am realizing now how false those thoughts actually are. Here's an example:

My brother.

I love my brother. He has always been a huge example to me of how to live a good life. I've written about him in the past about how he lights up a room just by being in it. He's wonderful and everyone agrees. So why would I need to forgive him? Growing up, I always had this terrible feeling that he was perfect and everyone compared me to him and I could never be as great as him... so where did that leave me? Empty. The thing is, he never made it easier for me. When my parents would hurt my feelings, Christopher took their side. When I had a hard time with a friend, Christopher told me I was maybe doing something wrong. Whenever I had a feeling that I couldn't help - he reassured me that my feelings were wrong and that I shouldn't feel them.

Now, I know that my brother would never hurt me on purpose and I know that he probably never realized how much those things affected me but I cannot help that they did. We have feelings for a reason and to push them aside and act like they aren't real only complicates things. So for years and years I have been pushing my feelings toward Christopher aside. I convinced myself that I was the problem and that he didn't need to be forgiven and that ate me apart.

I am sure my brother didn't even know he needed to be forgiven, but he did. So last week I decided I was going to forgive him and not just say I forgave him but to act it out. To love him even when he hurts me. To stop having negetive feelings toward him. To understand that I am just a small dot on this earth and that God has forgiven me and who do I think I am that I deserve forgiveness in any way, shape or form? I don't and I have still been forgiven, so why should I hold a grudge against anyone on this earth.

So my new goal for this year is to forgive Ryan--A guy who hurt me more than anyone else ever could. But not just to forgive him, but to love him. To recognize that though he has strayed from God's plan for his life, he is still a child of God and God still loves him. And if God loves him, who am I to think I am incapable of loving a child of God. And if he has been forgiven for his sins, which are no worse than my own, who am I to hold a grudge?

That doesn't mean it will be easy, but I want to try. And for those of you who know who Ryan is -- feel free to ask me if I have forgiven him yet... I am sure I will need the reminders.

Above forgiving the people who have hurt me in big ways I need it's also important to remember to forgive the little things. Even more important than that---asking others to forgive me.

So to everyone out there that I have hurt (and I know that there are a lot of you)... I truly am sorry. Forgive me as Jesus forgives all of us, though non of us (esspecially me) are worthy.

I Am

2007-01-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

Someone sent this to me in an email. I thought it was cool. I also think you should copy it and delete whats green and fill in your own answers, then post in on your blogs...

I Am alive

I Want freedom

I Have hope

I Wish for peace

I Hate steak

I Fear darkness

I Hear rain on the roof

I Search for truth

I Wonder what's to come

I Regret nothing

I Love because Jesus loved

I Ache when I hurt others

I Always try to be myself

I Usually fail

I Am Not a liar

I Dance to free my soul

I Sing all the time

I Never hurt people intentionaly

I Rarely feel lonely

I Cry when I feel lonely

I Am Not Always what I seem to be

I Lose faith in humanity every day

I'm Confused about what I am doing with my life

I Need answers

Holiday Break

2007-01-05T12:53:00.000-06:00

This break from work has been AWESOME. I have made an effort to spend as much time as possible with my cousins, which I love. I was telling my mom today that I love my friends, I truly do, but my cousins are like my "soul mates". And not because they are better than my friends but because they are my constant. I can tell other people about my past, but my cousins where there for it.

I got really stressed out while trying to run a reality game for my family the weekend before New Years. It went from Friday evening to Sunday early evening. Though it was a ton of fun (and so rewarding to watch my family have so much fun) I think I am done running the Mole. Maybe I'll do the amazing race next year. Anyway, once that ended I felt like I could finally let go/let loose and have fun. So we did. New Years Eve was excellent. As it always is. My family always has a party and we play cards and bring in the new year laughing and joking and having fun, the way it should be. I think that whenever I do move to Spain I would still have to fly home for the week of Christmas and New Years. I would miss it too much.

And that's all I have to say about that. It's hard to explain why I have been having so much fun. Maybe it's because I haven't had to coach basketball, work on MOLE stuff, spend all day with sixth graders, work as a waitress on the weekends, and on top of that try to be a good daughter, friend, and girlfriend AND try to follow Christ through it all. Not that I don't like keeping busy, but I often overdo it and forget my real priorities. Anyway, maybe this year I will be better. Who knows...

I'm here again...

2007-01-03T08:44:00.000-06:00

This break from work has been exactly what I needed. I feel like I have been able to get my life back in order and breath again. I feel like I have been able to reconnect with God again. I feel like myself again.

Though I always knew this, I am really figuring out how much of my identity gets based off of who I am in my family. I am a LaMonaca and there is no denying that. I am a daughter, a sister, a niece, and (my favorite roll) a cousin. Everything I know about being a friend was developed through these rolls first. So, when my brother goes back home and my cousins go back to school and my aunts and uncles stop inviting me over... I forget who I am.

My New Years resolution -- figure out who I am as a daughter of Christ. As Christ's bride. As Christ's sister.

I feel like I come to this point over and over again where I realize a case of missing identity. At least once a year I need to come back here and say "who am I in your eyes, Lord?" So, now I am on an adventure to figure that out.

I'll write about my Christmas and New Years tomorrow.

BASKETBALL

2006-12-16T13:47:00.000-06:00

Whew... it is almost over.

I've notice a lot over the last six weeks about twelve year old boys who play sports.

1- They think they know everything
2- They think they are the coolest
3- They don't respect women

I don't say any of this to be mean. I loved coaching (some of the time) and but I love that it will be over on Tuesday. Seriously, for some reason a woman's voice is on a frequency level that 12 year old boys simply cannot hear. They say things and do things to me that they would NEVER say or do if they had a male coach. They think they can change the plays I give them in order to better them and then get mad at me when the plays aren't working.

I have to say, coaching girls better be a lot more simple or I'll rip out all my hair.

Coaches to get paid enough. Having to deal with kids with attitude that don't want to listen, parents that don't pick their kids up on time, teachers that are full of advice you never asked for, and a dad that gets angry when his son doesn't get enough playing time in one game. Not to mention refs that don't know what they are doing and refs that are prejudice against female coaches.

I can't wait to start coaching the girls team. It can't be any worse than that, right?

What would Jesus Do?

2006-12-09T12:47:00.000-06:00

thanksgiving

2006-11-21T10:09:00.000-06:00

So, I kind of have a love hate relationship with Thanksgiving week. The week has always been really emotional for me for multiple reasons. Thanksgiving was never my favorite holiday because it was the only holiday that my family didn't spend with my cousins. As we got older the thanksgiving feast got smaller and smaller. Papa died, grandma started going to another son's house, Mike started celebrating with Beth's family, then Christopher got married and is celebrating with Erika's family. Mike and Beth moved to Arizona and had a baby, so mom and dad flew out there leaving me by myself for the big day.

I know there are other places I could go and I have had invites, but it's not the same. Plus I never liked Turkey, anyway.

But ever since I went to college thanksgiving break is so exciting cause all my cousins come home and we get to hang out and do fun things. This year is going to be esspecially fun. Tomorrow everyone gets home and we are going into the city for a flip cup tournament (which we will dominate at) and then spending the night at my cousins' apartment. I love hanging out with my cousins.

So that's my post - Heather gives me a hard time about not blogging regularly anymore so I'm trying to get back into the groove... please be patient with me.

Take my quiz.... it'll be fun!

2006-11-19T13:54:00.000-06:00

click here

long overdue and so not worth it

2006-11-19T06:39:00.000-06:00

Well, I owe Heather a blog post and I know she will never stop harrasing me until I post... so here it is; an update on my life...

I am not even sure what to say because I feel like my life is so boring. I already told all of you about my many jobs, all of which are going well. I started coaching basketball in the begining of the month. That has been really fun. I love my team. I started of really nervous, thinking "what did I get myself in to?" but after our first game I am feeling pretty confident that coaching this team is so worth all the craziness. Our first game was an away game against a team who had already played three games. We lost, but played a really good game. I was super proud of them.

Things with Ari are good--he went hunting this weekend and will now be eating bambi for the next 11 months. Crocket is cute as can be. I get to babysit the boys all day monday and tuesday. Life is good.

So, Heather, is this satisfactory? my life is so dull right now.

a conversation

2006-11-18T09:57:00.000-06:00

A conversation between my mom and me this morning. mom is in yellow, im in red. :)

"Monaca, try this jelly"
"I don't like jelly, mom... but this isn't jelly it's jam"
"Whatever, Monaca"
"ooh, mom, you should invest in jam-off"
"whats jam-off"
"its an AMAZING jam... wanna see a commercial for it"
"oh yeah... get out of here."

Jam-off

Crocket -- 10 months old

2006-11-17T16:33:00.000-06:00

Isn't this puppy the cutest???

He never stops working...

2006-11-04T14:47:00.000-06:00

I wanted to post this (with permission) because I think it is important that everyone knows how amazing God is. His works are incredible. This is an email from my very dear friends in spain. Troy and Heather Cady are the team leaders and pastors of the church, Oasis Madrid. They have two beautiful kids, Meg and Nic. Here is their story.

.....
In the words of Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all doing direct the other way..."

You might want to get a drink, a box of Kleenex and get comfy, because this is an epic story!

On Tuesday October 17, we received a call from CAI to let us know that we absolutely had to have our account out of deficit by year's end. Many of our colleagues are, as we were, suffering financially, and CAI is not able to "float" all of us when that happens. We of course had already been working on fund-raising, but this put an extra amount of pressure on us. At that point, we believed we were about $8,000 in the hole.

It was a rainy, grey week, and our spirits took a real nose-dive. On Friday the 20th, we met with Nic's teacher and another woman who provides assistance to kids at the school. They expressed concern that Nicolas (who is definitely behind, having jumped into the British school system this year) might have some kind of learning delay or issue. Although on its own, this news was not terrible, added to the burdens of the week, it became the straw that broke the camel's back.

I think that Friday was the worst day we have experienced in Spain. As the rain poured down outside, we struggled and grieved. We cried a lot of tears. We talked about leaving Spain, even if the money came in.

On Saturday, we sent out an email asking that you join us in prayer on Sunday October 22nd. We really did not know what God was doing, where He was leading. That evening, we had a service. At the end of the service, they kicked Troy & I out and voted to give us a generous financial gift from the church. Afterwards they sat us down, gathered around us, prayed for us and cried with us. We went home feeling more peaceful and encouraged, but still wondering what God was going to do. We asked our kids some loaded questions about where we should live. Among other things, Meg said "I think it's important to live in Spain to tell people about God."

Emails began pouring in, speaking words of encouragement to us. People were praying with us.We were certainly not alone. That Sunday we spent as a family, talking and praying and asking God to show us what to do. We asked God only that He would get our account back in the black by the end of the year. We made the difficult decision that if it was not in the black by then, we would leave Spain at the end of the school year.

Then the financial commitments starting coming in. Some of them before we even asked; some of them after. All of them generous, one huge one from a man we have never even met before. Part-way through the process we found out that we were actually $12,000 in the hole after having paid for school this fall. Still, the emails kept coming.

As I write this, (between actual gifts and pledges) God has provided funds to wipe our deficit, pay for the next school payment in January, and begin to build up our required 2-month financial buffer. He has also sent $350 per month in new monthly support.

Needless to say, we are staying in Spain! God answered clearly, quickly and with overwhelming generosity. It's amazing. The difference in our emotional states has been remarkable. I think both Troy and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders.
.....

Amen.

jobs, friends, and gun wounds

2006-10-23T13:09:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been a long time. I am not even sure if anyone read this anymore... I won't blame you if you don't. Anyway, if there is anyone out there that is still interested, here is an update on my life.

Work Factor:
I love my job. For those of you who don't know I am a teaching assistant for 6th grade special needs kids. It is pretty excellent. I work with some fun kids who are a challenge, but definitely worth it. I miss babysitting the twins every day, but they are in preschool now so I couldn't, even if I wanted to. Their mom has me babysit pretty often on evenings though, so I still get to see them quite a bit. I also just got a job for a catering company working as a waitress. I haven't started yet, but I think it will be fun. Plus, Celeste works for this company and the owner said she would try to have me working with Celeste. How awesome is that? Oh, and one more job -- Next week I have tryouts for the boys basketball team that I am coaching. How fun is that? So, I am busy, but enjoying every moment of the busyness.

Social Factor:
I have been having a lot of fun on the weekends. My friends and I found a great new dance club that is free on Fridays (before 10pm) so we try to get out there pretty often. The next time we are going is for Celeste's birthday in two weeks. My dog is getting HUGE... but he is as cute as can be and doing pretty well in his training. My friends Kendra and Brian just got engaged -- congrats to them. Let's see what else is going on??? Nope, that's about it. Good times had by all.

Injury Factor:
A direct quote from my friend Gerry: "You know, Monaca, it is mindboggling how much you hurt yourself." It is funny, because I haven't actually injured myself in a long time. Last time I was in the hospital (which was because of ear drum problems that were out of my control) was in august. And other than my back hurting from time to time, I have been alright. Until yesterday... this is pretty humorous though.

Yesterday, Ari and Celeste wanted to go to a shooting range to practice since deer hunting season is coming up. So they brought me with them and I had a lot of fun. I hit a bull's eye on my first shot fired and only missed twice out of the six shots I took. I was using Ari's shotgun which doesn't have a scope on it (a scope is the thing you put on the top of your gun to magnify what you are aiming at). Then I decided I wanted to try a scope so I used Celeste's gun. Let me set this up... When you shoot a shotgun, you need to have it really snug on your shoulder, otherwise it comes back it hits you really hard. But even if it's really close to your shoulder, it still pushes back. Well, if you have your face too close to the scope (as I did) then it comes back and hits you in the face (as it did to me). It was so cold outside that I didn't even notice how much it hurt but Celeste was like "ooh, we have blood" as she was taking off my saftey goggles. I cut open (pretty deep) the top of my nose right in between my eyes and my left eye is a little bruised. Needless to say, I can do without a scope.

And that's my life in a nutshell (help! I'm in a nutshell and I can't get out!)

2006-09-10T20:17:00.000-05:00

I stole this one

1. How old do you wish you were? 21 is a good age
2. Where were you when 9/11 happened? I was in school--in the music department.
3. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? whine and complain
4. Do you consider yourself kind? I hope I am...
5. If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? Why would somebody HAVE to get a tattoo? That doesn't make sense.
6. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish
7. Do you know your neighbors? Yeah, the neighbors to the right have lived there all my life and to the left have lived there for ten years -- both are pretty great families!
8. What do you consider a vacation? A day of loungin by the pool with wine coolers.
9. Do you follow your horoscope? I think that is against my religion
10. Would you move for the person you loved? Of course.
11. Are you touchy feely? Definitely
12. Do you believe that opposites attract? Sure, on lots of levels
13. Dream job? I would love to write songs for someone else to sing.
14. Favorite channels? I don't really watch tv
15. Favorite place to go on a weekend? Lake Geneva with the boat
16. Showers or bath? I like baths but I never take them. Something about putting my tushy on a dirty tub grosses me out.
17. Do you paint your nails? No.
18. Do you trust people easily? hrm... I never used to but now I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
19. What are your phobias? Heights. Earwigs. Loved ones dying.
20. Do you want kids? Not any time soon... if ever.
21. Do you keep a handwritten journal? Off and on.
22. Where would you rather be right now? With Ari.
23. What makes you feel warm and safe? When Ari wraps his arms around me.
24. Heavy or light sleep? Depends on the night. I vary between both extremes.
25. Are you paranoid? this is a weird question... why do you want to know?
26. Are you impatient? Very.
27. Who can you relate to? Everyone on some level...
28. How do you feel about interracial couples? Wow, where did a question like that come from? I have absolutely no problem with it and dont understand why there is even debate over it.
29. Have you been burned by love? No.
30. What's your life motto? It changes every week.
31. What's your main ringtone on your mobile? It is Hell's Bells by AC DC
32. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping
33. Who was your last text message from? Celeste
34. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? wouldn't you like to know.
35. What color shirt are you wearing? Tan--I'm wearing my Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt
36. Most recent movie you watched? Friday Night Lights
37. Name five things you have on you at all times? Underwear, cell phone, a necklace, a hair tie, my wallet.
38. What color are your bed sheets? purple
39. How much cash do you have on you right now? oooh - $40 cause I just got done puppy sitting.
40. What is your favorite part of the chicken? I only like the chicken breast if it is marinated and in pasta or salad.
41. What is your favorite town/city? Chicago, no contest.
42. I can't wait till... I move to Spain
43. What did you have for dinner last night? Ari cooked Chicken with mashed potatos and broccoli
44. How tall are you barefoot? 5'6
45. Have you ever smoked crack? Never
46. Do you own a gun? No. Nor will I ever.
47. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water to rehydrate myself.
48. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? uh... I don't lure....
49. Do you have A.D.D? Do you?
50. What time did you wake up today? 7:30
51. What is your favorite candy? Starburst
52. Current worry? No worries.
53. Current hate? steak... but thats a constant hate.
54. Favorite place to be? By the ocean.
55. Where would you like to travel? Ireland
56. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? Whereever God leads me
57. Last thing you ate? white chedder popcorn
58. What songs do you sing in the shower? whatever is in my head
59. Last person that made you laugh? Ari
60. Worst injury you ever had? Internal bleeding in my left leg after I broke my ankle into a million pieces

Books

2006-09-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

My friends, Julie and Mike, tagged me. So... here ya go.

1.One book that changed your life: After Silence by Nancy Raine

2.One book that you’ve read more than once: The Brother's K by David James Duncan

3.One book you’d want on a desert island: The Message by Eugene Peterson

4.One book that made you laugh: Revenge of the Paste Eaters by Cheryl Peck

5.One book that made you cry: Mick Harte Was Here by Barbara Park

6.One book you wish had been written: I dont know...

7.One book you wish had never been written: Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton

8.One book you’re currently reading: The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

9.One book you’ve been meaning to read: Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

10.One book you’d like to write: I don't have a title yet but I am in the process of writing a memior.

Now tag 5 people: Troy Cady, Heather Cady, Kelly Wills, Amy Baas, Ami Godoy

Here it goes again

2006-09-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

Okay I found this on Wendy's blog and I had to share it with all of you.

Left-handedness

2006-08-23T08:48:00.000-05:00

Ari is left-handed and he wrote this thing when he was in high school and he wants people to read it cause it is really good (in my opinion) so I am posting it. I think you should read it... if you don't I'll come after you...

THE DECLARATION FROM LEFT HANDEDNESS

Action of Ari Leo, September 17, 2001

The unanimous Declaration of the Left-Handed Community

WHEN in the Course of Writing Events,

it becomes necessary for all people who write with their left hand to say enough is enough, and to dissolve the genetic bonds which have made them left-handed, and to assume the equal opportunities and chances afforded to those who are right-handed, the reasons and causes for this must be declared.

WE who are left-handed hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are not created equal, that their left-handedness did not give them the same rights given to those among us who are right-handed. All children from henceforth shall be forced to become right- handed, resulting in a future society of only right-handedness. It has become impossible for the left-handed to function properly in our right-handed society. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

Left-handedness has kept us from writing smudge-free on poster boards, which is a necessity for school.

Left-handedness has refused us the use of normal scissors and one can never find left-handed scissors when one needs to.

Left-handedness has refused to allow people to see what they are writing as they write, forcing one to write in an ungodly, twisted manner.

IN every one of these cases the left-handed have attempted to solve these issues: Ned Flanders attempted to open a store for the left-handed, but it was crushed.

No left-handed person has been unreasonable in trying to fit into society. We have very nicely vocalized our hatred for the inconveniences of left-handedness and on every occasion we have been repeatedly blackened by the ink or lead on our left hand.

I, therefore, the Representative of the LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE OF AMERICA, in my ROOM, By myself, appealing to the General Public of the World to save their kids from the horrors of LEFT-HANDEDNESS, do, in the name of the respected Ari Leo, declare that all ties are, and ought to be hereby dissolved between the LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE OF AMERICA and left-handedness, and that as a free and independent people have full power to levy war on left-handedness, and all other rights of the Right-Handed. We pledge to fully support each other in our quest for equality.

a piece of home

2006-08-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I picked up the Cady family (the fam I lived with when I was in Spain) from the airport. It has been so good to spend time with them. A group of us hung out with them last night and then I hung out with them today.

First off, the great thing about good friends is that you can always pick up where you left off. When I saw them in April and again now, it is like we were never apart. The jokes and teasing start right away.

When I was in Spain, my friend Wendy came out to visit me and I remember talking about how it was so great to have a piece of home come to Spain and see where I lived and what I had been doing. And then in April I brought Ari and Celeste back to Madrid with me and it was so exciting to, again, bring a piece of home with me to Spain. It is so excited to have friends from Spain here. To have a piece of Spain (my other home) come out here to where I grew up and see what I have been doing. It's fun. Not too mention the endless laughing that happens when Troy is in a room. I definitely miss that.

The more they talk about Oasis Madrid (their church out there) the more excited I am about moving. I can't wait to be a part of this church full time. Oasis Madrid is doing great things out there... but more on that another day.

Spirit

2006-07-27T23:46:00.000-05:00

I had to quickly share this crazy story with all of my fans/readers out there... whoever you are...

Yesterday I brought my puppy to the dog park. This is not an unusual occurance seeing as he requires a lot of exercize and I don't have the back to go running with him. But he loves it there. All the dogs get to run around and play without leashes. What could be better in the life of dogs?

It was about 7:00 when one women, Lisa, was taking her three dogs home. As she was loading them into the car she let go of the collar of her pooch, Spirit, and he ran out into the road where he was hit by a car. His head actually went into the wheel well of the minivan and he was in such shock that he just got up and ran as fast as he could across the street into a forest preserve. Of course, Ari and Margeaux and I felt we needed to go looking for this dog with the owner and a couple other dog lovers who volunteered. Almost two hours later and almost walking four miles... nothing. Lisa was a mess, as I would be if that happened to Crocket.

It was dark and the forest preserve rangers wouldn't let us look anymore, so we left disheartened. I gave Lisa my phone number and told her to call me the next day and I would help her look again.

The next morning Lisa called me to tell me Spirit had made his way to someone's house and was outside barking to be let in. That person let him in and called the number on the dog tags and Spirit was rushed to a 24 hour vet hospital. Luckily, he will be okay. He suffered some minor head injuries, but he is back home with his family.

REJOICE!

Twenty-Two!

2006-07-18T23:14:00.000-05:00

Today is my twin cousins, Justin and Tommy's, 22nd birthday!

Now, anyone who knows me knows how important my family is to me... especially my cousins. They have been my constant friends, always there when I need them. I always have fun with them and no matter how old we get, they are still and always will be some of the most important people in my life. Plus, they always bring out the kid in me and remind me that it is the little things in life that really matter.

Happy birthday, you old farts! I love you guys!

tv shows can bring people together!

2006-07-14T17:59:00.000-05:00

Back in October I wrote a post called confessions that were twenty things nobody knew about me. Well, in the begining of that post I talked about this girl Kelly Wills and how I had heard so much about her while I was in spain and how she sounded really cool and so on. Well, when I we nt back to Madrid in April I got the chance to meet her and had the chance to agree with all of those great things I had been hearing about her. Now, I've always thought she was pretty cool(I mean she was the one who brought me to get my nose pierced!) but today I have officially decided that Kelly could be my friend for life.

Anyone who knows me, knows about my (some would say) obsession (but I call it enjoyment) of the t.v. show ALIAS. My secret wish is to be Sydney Bristow because, seriously, how hott would that be? I constantly find myself looking around any room I have entered for an escape route or I'm thinking"what could I use to knock someone out if a 'bad guy' came in." When I was at Calvin some friends of mine would humor me and we'd run up and down the halls jumping around and doing somersaults pretending to shoot each other. I even learned how to get into my bed with a leap and then pulling myself up quickly in a "Sydney Bristow" fashion (mind you, my bed was stacked over another bed that was stacked on a bookshelf that was stacked on another bookshelf that was stacked on a desk).

Well, it turns out I'm not the only one in the world. Check it out here. I think I found a friend for life! :)

PS

2006-07-13T13:36:00.000-05:00

I fixed it! The 'my pictures' link on the right of the page works now. Sorry about that! :)

Florida

2006-07-13T13:16:00.000-05:00

Well, I am home. I can't believe my trip to Florida has come and gone. It's already the middle og July! Summer is half over...

Florida was awesome. The first four days we stayed at my parent's condo in Cape Canveral (where NASA is). We spent lots of time at the beach, lots of time with my aunt and uncle and cousins, and lots of time together. The night Andrea, the twins, and I got there my mom was already there. My dad came the next day and my brother and sister-in-law came the day after that. Needless to say, the condo was a little crowded but still a lot of fun. One day we even went to the Brevard Zoo and saw crocodiles being fed and got to pet a baby alligator! It was pretty excellent.

Thursday we left for Orlando. We went to Disney World (Magic Kingdom) on Friday. It was so fun going with the boys. They are four years old, so they get so excited to see the characters. We got pictures with Pluto, Daisy, Minnie, Mickey, and Donald. Donald even gave me a kiss on the cheek! :) But shhh... don't tell Ari. It's fun watching them experience new things. Saturday we drove back to the east coast and met up with my mom, dad, Christopher, Erika, Aunt Nonnie, Uncle Don, Karen, and Carmela in Palm Bay where we rented a boat. It was so cool! Before we even left the dock we saw an alligator within four feet of our boat! That was kind of scary but really cool. Then we saw Dolphins and jumping fish and played on islands. It was so fun!

Sunday and Monday we spent back at our Resort in Orlando. Most of the time we were by the pool. The boys had no fear of the water, so Andrea and I sat by the pool enjoying our Pina Coladas and Margaritas while the boys made new friends with the other kids in the pool! For dinner one night we went to an all you can eat crab and lobster buffet! Mmmmm. Fresh crab! Loooove it!

Getting home was a nightmare. We had a layover that we almost missed. Long story short- our first flight was delayed forty minutes and then another two hours while we were on the runway and then after our flight we had to circle the airport waiting to land for forty minutes. Luckily our connecting flight had also been delayed but had we landed two minutes later or the gate been far from where we got off - we definitely would have missed it. We literally were the last people on the plane. We walked on, got in our seats and the seatbelt light came on and we were being pulled away from the gate. So, we landed in Chicago at 12:45am--three hours later than when we were supposed to land...

So now I am home - safe and sound.

Tuuuuuushy update

2006-07-07T20:02:00.000-05:00

Well, after I declared to everyone present that July 4 was the national day of the word 'tushy' we had a lot of fun with it. For those of you wondering who was present - Mom, Dad, Aunt Nonnie, Uncle Don, Cousin Karen, Karen's granddaughter Carmella, Andrea, Michael, and Nicholas. Just for clarification, Michael and Nicholas are the boys that I nanny and Andrea is their mom.

It's not hard to try to find ways to use the word tushy. For example, Michael's swimming shorts were falling down and he said "my tushy!" and mooned us all. My dad came home from his morning stroll on the beach to tell a story that went something like this:

"Remember how I lost my sunglasses in the ocean yesterday? Well, guess what I saw... I saw a shark wearing my glasses! And I said, 'hey give those back' and you know what he did? He turned around and showed me his tushy!" So the rest of the day we were hearing about how the shark showed Billy his tushy.

Along with overusing the word tushy I've had some awkward moments. Like when maintenance came to the door and Andrea and I were in are bathing suits playing in the tubby with the boys. Or when housekeeping came to the door to give me sheets and Andrea didn't hear the doorbell ring so I answered the door in my towel (I was just about to hop in the shower). There were more awkward moments, but I will leave it at these for now.

We went to Disney World today. The boys were so excited to see Mickey and Minnie and Daisy and Pluto and Donald! Our favorite was Donald -- he kissed me on the cheek! But shhh... don't tell Ari. Tomorrow we are driving back out to Cape Canaveral so that we can go on a pontoon boat with Christopher and Erika (bro and sis-in-law) and my aunt and uncle and mom and dad and Karen and Carmella. We'll see how that goes. It'll be fun to see the boys on a boat for the first time. I can't wait!

Florida and Tushy

2006-07-04T15:38:00.000-05:00

So. I am in Florida.

This week came up really fast. All of a sudden Saturday night came and I realized I had to pack since I was leaving Sunday morning.

The twins are great travelers. We arrived in Florida around 9:30pm after a delay and a long layover. Then we had to wait for the luggage and get the rental car and then make the 45 minute drive from Orlando to Cape Canaveral. We didn't get to the condo until almost midnight.

Yesterday we woke up early and spent the entire day at the beach. The boys were so cute! I'll have to post pictures soon. They loved the waves. Then we went to the pool when we got tired of the sand. Then spent some time with my Aunt and Uncle and cousin for a BBQ.

Today we were back at the beach all day. We saw the space shuttle Discovery go off... that was amazing.

Sorry this is such a play by play post, just typing it all out quickly before heading out for dinner.

Just so you all know... Troy has offically announced today, July 4, as national "tushy" day. To find out why check out Troy's Blog. And I highly reccomend that you check it out! :)

I Can't Dance

2006-06-27T20:40:00.000-05:00

Pay special attention to the ballerina's that was my favorite part...

I'm Back!

2006-06-19T16:55:00.000-05:00

I can't say exactly how long this post will be because I have a restless puppy lying next to me... but here I go.

So I moved back in to my parents' house. That was really hard for me--not because of my parents but because of my pride. After I went away to college and wanted to try and make it on my own and I did. I lived with friends and delt with things that matter and whatever else. And here I am now, 21 years old and back at my parents' house.

My parents seem happy to have me back... well, most of the time. It has been good to be able to spend time with them, esspecially since I will be leaving them soon. Which brings me to my next topic...

The exciting thing about me moving back in is the reason I had to. I have made it official... I am moving to Spain. I am taking off school this next year and working full time as a teacher's assistant and possibly have a second job as a bartender. I'll save up all my money so that I can move to Madrid in August of '07. I'll probably get a job as a TEFL (teaching english as a foreign language) teacher and I'll go back to school at St. Louis University.

And my dog is going crazy now so I need to get going. More to come later. Keep checking -- now that I got internet hooked up, I'll be posting more regularly!

2006-06-13T19:08:00.000-05:00

And I have strep throat... wonderful.

2006-06-08T00:05:00.000-05:00

I'm falling off the face of the earth...

I took an IQ test!

2006-06-02T18:42:00.000-05:00

Your IQ score is 129

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns. And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results.

WHAT?? Where did this come from? Why am I good at the things I hate?

When will I breath?

2006-05-25T10:50:00.000-05:00

This week I barely worked at all, and yet my body feels like I have worked more than I normally do. I am exhausted, I have had a four day headache and my back is killing me. This week has been insane.

It started with Friday. Friday night we had my birthday party at my house, which, by the way, was wonderful. I had so much fun with friends, dancing and singing and no drama! Then Saturday I went shopping with Carle (Ari's best friend) but, as we all know, shopping stresses me out. Partly because I know I have no money to go shopping but there are things that I definitely need to buy. So where does that leave me? Then Saturday night Ari and I went to his old high school to watch his sister play in the pit orchestra for The Wizard of Oz. It was actually pretty good.

Sunday morning Ari and I woke up early and drove down to the Quad Cities (which is about 2 1/2 hours away) to watch my sister-in-law graduate. This graduation was ten times better than my brothers... no offense, Christopher, but I was actually comfortable! For the last 40 years they have had graduation in the gym at the college, this year they moved it to a very comfortable Auditorium/concert center in the town. THANK YOU AUGUSTANA.

Monday I worked all day and then went to a college group BBQ. And then comes Tuesday.... Oh Tuesday...

Tuesday I woke up early to drive Ari to work, since he doesn't have a car. Then I came home and talked to Matthew (one of my housemates). He hurt his back the night before at work and needed to go to urgent care. So I drove out to urgent care, dropped him off, then drove out to my friend, Hillary's, house. Then Matthew called me so I went to pick him up and drop him off at home and then drove the extra 30 minutes back to Hillary's. She left for South Africa for the summer on Tuesday... I am really going to miss her. After Hill left, I drove forty minutes north of her house to meet a good friend of mine for lunch. She was making the drive from Michigan to Minnesota and wanted to stop in Chicago to see me. After lunch I drove to my parents house, picked up my dad and drove him to the airport. By the time I got home from the airport it was almost 7:00pm, time to pick up Ari from work. I picked him and his friend, Sam, up and we drove out to Lisle where he is looking at renting a condo. Then I dropped Sam off at his house and went back to mine and ate dinner at 10pm and crashed for the night.

My back is killing me from being in the car so much the last couple days and my bank account is quickly diminishing with all the money I have spent on gas.

The thing is, through all of this I have become really cranky because I have completely neglected my alone time with God. And we all know who I become when I don't get that.

So that's been my life in a nutshell. Oh yeah, and today I need to be completely moved out of my room... have I mentioned my room is a disaster zone? I better get started on that. ugh.

Ode to Erica

2006-05-18T10:24:00.000-05:00

I have a story that I feel like I need to share with everyone.

Seven years ago, my cousins and I were sitting around in Aunt Cheri's kitchen talking about our weird bodies. My cousin Erica (who is 5 years older than me) laughed about how she has a "double elbow." Her left elbow had this large bump you could see if she turned her arm a certain way. We all laughed and called her a freak and went on our ways.

Fast forward a couple months. I was sitting at my parent's kitchen table and my mom told me that Erica has a lump in her arm that is growing and she is going to get it checked out. My self-preservation mode kicked in. "No big deal" I said, "that kind of this is pretty normal!"

Fast forward about three weeks. I was in eighth grade. My brother was having a party/BBQ with all of his cool high school friends. It was warm outside and we were out on the deck (it was almost summer). The phone rings and my mom goes inside and stays there. My dad tells Christopher and me to come inside for a little bit and, of course, I think nothing of it. My mom tells Christopher and me to sit down because she has "something to tell us." Now I'm starting to worry. "Erica has cancer" she says.

I remember that moment so vividly. I even remember the smell -- I could smell the lilacs picked from our lilac bush that were sitting on the kitchen table. I could hear everyone talking outside, laughing and having a great time. I wanted to scream. My cousin had cancer and the rest of the world was going on enjoying themselves. I recited the line in my head again, "Erica has cancer" and then I heard two people laughing. To this day I still remember who those two people are that laughed because for a brief moment, I hated them more than anything in the world.

At the time, Erica was a student at Notre Dame-the school she has always wanted to go to. She didn't get to go back the next year. She stayed home and went through intense chemotherapy. I wasn't around very much that year. I was too scared to be near her, but I remember the battle. I remember when she lost her hair and her brother's shaved their heads. I remember when she was admitted into the hospital time after time because her immune system was so weak even a common cold could kill her. But more than anything else, I remember her being so strong. I remember seeing her laugh and hearing stories of jokes they told in the hospital room.

Erica was a fighter and she won. Five years ago we went to Pompei (a great resturant downtown) and reserved our own room to throw a party for her. She was cancer free and done with treatments.

She went back to Notre Dame and finished school. After school she spent a year downtown volunteering at Mercy Home, this place for delinquint/troubled (or whatever you want to call them) boys. After that she went to law school at Northwestern. She's always wanted to be a lawyer and Erica always does what she wants to do. She spent a semester studying in Australia and she spent some time in Africa studying African law.

Erica graduated on Sunday. I went to her graduation and then the big party at pompei. I am really proud of my cousin. I admire her more than anyone else I know. She has been an inspiration to me to live my life to the fullest and the way that I want to do it. She also has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know. Not to mention, she is really fun and knows how to have a good time! :)

So Erica, congratulations. I am proud of you and I love you.

settling down

2006-05-16T09:59:00.000-05:00

This week/weekend has been absolutely crazy. I have been going non-stop for the last 6 days. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself now that I have a little bit of free time. So I guess I will just write about the last couple days.

Celeste's great grandma (Gigi) died on Tuesday. We just celebrated her 90th birthday in April. We all knew it was coming but it was still really sad for everyone.

Thursday I babysat until 9pm and then went over to Ari's house. His mom's sisters and brother and mom all came in town from Minnesota. It was really good to meet everyone and hear stories and so on. Ari's uncle fixed up his dad's boat and gave it to Ari's mom for her birthday--which bring us to Friday: Ari's mom's birthday.

We went to Pal Joey's (a pizza place) and there were a lot of people there. It was fun, I really like Ari's and Celeste's families. They are great people and know how to have a good time. Plus, I really love Ari's mom so I am glad I got to be there to celebrate her birthday with her.

Saturday was Gigi's funeral. I always chuckle at the people who say things like "she looks good" when the dead person who "looks good" is lying in a casket. I heard a couple of those comments on Saturday, but then I also heard stories about Gigi's life and how this amazing woman touched others' lives. I've been blessed to know her even in this short time--because I know that Celeste and her mom and her grandma (whom I all enjoy immensely) would not be who they are if it weren't for Gigi. The funeral, although sad, was also a celebration of the wonderful life she lived and a celebration that now she is with Jesus, in whom she trusted.

Saturday night I went to this great Japanese resturant with Ari's family. It was really fun. They cook the food on a grill that is connected to your table. It's actually really cool. And we came back home and played great games like apples to apples and wild and crazy 8s. I love games.

I'm saving Sunday for a post on it's own...

and yesterday (Monday) was my birthday! I am finally 21. It is now legal for me to drink. It's funny everyone assumes now that I'm 21 i'm going to be drinking all the time... definitely not true. All in all it was a great birthday though. I got some phone calls from some pretty wonderful people. I spent an hour and a half talking to one of my best friends (Ann) who called me all the way from the Middle East. And I got to spend time with people who are really important to me. I ate dinner with my parents and then Celeste, Ari, Hillary, Justin, Anna, (and a couple other people), and I went to a great Irish pub. Fun times were had by all!

And now it is Tuesday. I finally get to relax. I think my weeks are settling down now. I hope.

The Evolution of Dance

2006-05-08T18:48:00.000-05:00

This is a hillarious video!

my funk

2006-05-06T10:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't really posted much in a while because I don't really know what to post about. I have been in this sort of funk for a while now and I'm not really sure how to get out of it.

My life isn't bad by any means. I have parents that love and support me. I have a boyfriend that would do anything for me. I have friends that are encouraging and fun. And most importantly, I have a Savior that has given His life for me.

Its not that I am blind to the continuous support around me or the great friendships I have. I value them greatly and realize how lucky I am. So why is it so hard for me to get out of this funk? Someone whose opinion I truly value told me the other day that I have become unreliable and flakey. That is not the kind of person I want to be.

I want to be someone with passions so deep everyone sees them. Someone who knows who they are and who they want to become. Someone who lights up a room just by being in it. Someone who loves others without question. Someone that people will know that I have something special (ie. Jesus) from just one interaction. I don't want to preach the gospel through words, but through action... and I don't think I have done that lately.

Maybe my problem is that I know who I want to be, but I have no idea who I am right now. I know that I am a daughter of Christ but that is about all I know.

So where do I go from here?

i promise ill post somthing with substance soon.... until then...

2006-05-04T09:35:00.000-05:00

*Yeah I'm a loser...*
=======About You=======
name::	mon
hair color::	black
height::	5'6
weight::	lets not go there
eye color::	hazelish brownish thing
your style::	it's called the monaca style
pant size::	not going there
shirt size::	medium or large
do people spell/say your name wrong?:	all the time
are your parents still married?:	yep
how many siblings?:	2 older brothers and 2 sister-in-laws
+++++Have You Ever+++++
Sat on Your RoofTop?:	yes
Kissed in the Rain?:	yes
Laughed So Hard You Cried?:	yes
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?:	yes
Been in Love?:	yes
Performed on Stage?:	yes
Nearly died?:	yes
Lied?:	yes
Bitched someone out?:	yes
?????Random??????
Do you belive you should be in love to have sex?:	i believe you should be married
How do you feel about God?:	we're buddies
How many true friends do you have?:	i dont count my friends
Who is your best friend?:	kelly wagers and ann milauskas
Who knows the most about you?:	ari
Who is your ditziest friend?:	not going there
Who is your funniest friend?:	troy
Which friend do you fight with the most?:	i dont really fight with my friends
#-------The Last Person To----------#
Laugh at You::	ari
Text You::	hillary
Touch You::	ari
Write you a note::	ari
What was the note about?:	it was a long time ago... i think he was apologizing for something dumb he did.
Sing to You::	ari
Hold You::	ari
Cry WITH You::	celeste
Take Your Photo::	not sure
Call your Cell::	Ari's mom, actually...
Drink With You::	celeste and ari
""""""""""Right Now"""""""""""":
What are you wearing?:	boxers and a tank top
What's in Your Bag?:	everything - my bag is very much like marry poppins' bag
What are you saving up for?:	to move to spain

Dear Mr. President

2006-04-29T09:35:00.000-05:00

Okay I haven't always been the biggest Pink fan, but I support this song.

Home

2006-04-24T05:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I am back from Spain and here are my reflections.

When I went away to school at Calvin, I wrote a speech about my family. I talked about how my cousins are my best friends and how a piece of me dies every time I am away from them and then comes back alive when I am with them. I have never felt that way with anything else, until I went to Spain.

When I am in Spain there is a part of me that comes alive. I feel whole. I feel good. I feel like I belong. Not in a sense of "I fit in" but in a sense of "this is where I am supposed to be." Which is great when I am there, but really not so great when I come back. I fall into this semi-"i miss spain"-depression. It is so hard for me. Not that I don't love being around my friends and family here, but there is a small part of me that dies when I leave a place I love.

My brother, Christopher, told me that he thinks I need a change in my life and I know he is right. I have always had a sense that there was something greater out there and that is where I belong. I hated high school; hated it with a passion. I thought Calvin may have been the change that I needed, but it wasn't. I came back home and thought going to community college and living with my friends might be the change I needed but it wasn't. After going to Madrid this summer I thought moving there might be the change I needed but I didn't want to get my hopes up. When I went back again, I knew. I know that is where I am supposed to be. And not just because of the people.... but everything. The culture, the church, the friends.

Don't get my wrong, I love my friends here and I am so glad I did everything I did cause otherwise I wouldn't have met so many great people. But my heart is definitely in Spain and they say home is where the heart is. So now I am just concentrating on how I can go back home as quickly as possible.

2006-04-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

For those of you who do not know... the reason why I haven't posted is because I am in Spain...

Lots to say but no time to say it in so check back in the next couple of days. There will be some good stuff.

In case you were curious... I am loving it here. It's good to be home.

More pics of Crocket

2006-03-30T10:41:00.000-06:00

By request (ahem, Justin) here are some more pics of my puppy..

here he is yawning... awww

Here he is sleeping on Joel.

Ready to pounce...

Being super cute.

My little cuddler...

I am...

2006-03-27T07:21:00.001-06:00

Heather did this on her blog. She told me I should to it too and since I do anything she tells me... here it is. If you want to do it, the format is here.

I am from refrigerator boxes that can keep everyone amused for hours, from maytag and caputo’s

I am from the smell of something cooking in the kitchen, the sound of small paws on the hardwood floors and pots and pans clanking at dawn

I am from the cheap flowers that decorate our kitchen to the apple trees and tulips and evergreens that decorate our backyard

I am from the family BBQs and loud parties where everyone competes to be heard, from Francesco and Fortunata and Grandma Lucy

I am from true competitiveness, family importance, and catholic guilt.

From your face will stay like that and stop touching each other and silences where bad words were thought but not spoken

I am from saying the rosary and praying to Mary, standing up and sitting down when told to, rehearsing words I never knew the meaning of.

I’m from Chicago and Italy and England and Ireland, from pasta with every meal and grams’ homemade zugu

From the Italian grandfather who didn’t like to talk about his childhood and the father who isn’t Italian

I am from dusty bookshelves and dirty cabinets containing photo albums that have since been forgotten

Confessions

2006-03-25T09:51:00.000-06:00

I have a confession to make. This is really hard for me to admit, but I feel like I finally need to get it out into the world. I feel like maybe once I tell everyone my dark secret, a huge burden will be lifted...

So here it goes...

Celeste, one of my roommates, came home one afternoon with some DVDs. When I got home from my doctors appointment that day she was intently watching Desperate Housewives (for those of you who read this who aren't living in this country, it's a very highly talked about show... but just look at the title and imagine what it is like). I layed down and started watching it with her and slowly began taking an interest. I started asking questions.

Throughout this week Celeste and I have watched three of the six discs of season one. And we actually enjoy it. I find myself randomly thinking about it. Telling Ari stuff like, "we found out that the guy who was hitting on Mrs. Solis is actually gay and the guy that is gay with him is Andrew.... you know the redhead who is married to Rex? her son!"

It's funny because on the show there are four women who get together every so often and gossip about the street that they live on (where everyone knows everyone) and I feel like I am turning into one of them. It's really scary.

I guess I am not too ashamed because I was expecting the show to be very sex oriented and I was suprised by how wrong I was. It's actually not. And though it is very unrealistic, it isn't a bad show.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I stop watching??

Living with Celeste has turned me into a tv watcher. I am also now an advid watcher of Gilmore Girls (which actually is a great show). And Celeste and I are thinking about renting the lost dvds. The thing is, we are smart enough to not watch these shows when it's actually on tv. We watch the dvds. That way, we can always go to the next episode and there are no commercials and we can watch them whenever we want.

I'm pathetic.

CROCKET

2006-03-17T00:39:00.000-06:00

This is my puppy, Crocket. We were going to get Boone, but then we talked to the shelter about hunting and they told us Crocket was a better hunting dog. He is much more obedient and independent than Boone. Anyway, I'm glad we got him because Crocket is the most adorable, well-behaved puppy I have ever seen in my life!!

He is super curious about everything but doesn't really nibble on anything (except our Nintendo 64 cords) and he has picked up on things very quickly!! He always listens when we say no and he is easily distractable, thus goes from chewing my toes to chewing his bone quickly.

He loves to sleep (as all good dogs should). The above picture is of a dog and his master, drooling together. He is not easily bothered, even when I put my face up to him while he is sleeping. He loves to burrow his nose in between things for warmth and even lets me put my head on him while he sleeps.

The best thing yet... he hasn't "gone potty" in the house yet. We were a little worried about house training him but he has been so good. Three times in a row we brought him outside did his business and went back in. Not to mention all the other times we stopped on the car ride home and walked him around a while and he went.

Right now he is in his Kennel and sound asleep. No whinning, no barking, nothing. He's so good.

You all should come over and see this dog!!!

Googleness

2006-03-09T15:46:00.000-06:00

I found this on Heather's blog. Since I am a follower, I followed. Apparently you have to type your answers into google image search and then pic the picture that you like the best off the first page. So, read mine and then go do yours... Oh yeah.. and read the post before this to see pics of my new dog!!!! :)

First name: Monaca

Middle name: Marie

Last name: Thomas

Age on my next birthday:21

City I grew up in: West Chicago

Favorite color: blue

Favorite food: manicotti

Place I'd like to live: Madrid

Place I live now: Glen Ellyn

A habit I have: cracking my knuckles

Favorite animal: dog

Religion: Christ follower

Dream Job: Social worker

Grandmothers name: Fortunata LaMonaca

Favorite smell: homemade food cooking at my mom's house

Boone

2006-03-09T10:28:00.000-06:00

IS THIS NOT THE CUTEST DOG EVER??????

HE'S MINE!!! (and Ari's!!)

His name is Boone and I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy!

thumbkin

2006-03-02T22:32:00.000-06:00

So, I figured I would give a nice little update on my thumb. I got some x-rays on Monday and my thumb is broken. There is an edge of the bone that is chipped off and then a small crack in the the bone. They wrapped it up and gave me a molded splint whatever else. I go back to the doctor in two weeks and if the bone is not healing properly (which I have hope that it will heal properly) then I need to go in for surgery.

Quote from Ari:
"Just think, a few months ago you were.... much different" I think he was referring to running through sprinklers and bowling and playing soccer and stuff"

2006-02-27T18:23:00.000-06:00

When will the busyness end???

Ouch...

2006-02-25T13:28:00.002-06:00

Today, I slammed my thumb in the car door. The door actually closed on my thumb and I had to pull the handle with my other hand. It hurt so much. My neighbors must have thought I was crazy because it hurt so much that I couldn't breath and Icould not make a sound. So, instead, I dropped my phone (which broke in half) and threw my car keys into the yard (which I later had to go looking for) and I hunched over groaning and making weird noises (amazingly no vulgarity came out of my mouth) and then I walked up to the porch and rang the doorbell hoping my brother would come to the door as quickly as possible. My entire thumb under my nail is bruised and on the other side there is a nice bruise in a line and a nice indentation.

Dad wanted me to go to the hospital because I couldn't really feel my thumb and he thought I may have nerve damage. I haven't decided if I will go or not. He also told me that the next time he sees me he is going to wrap me in foam because I am a "walking hazard..." It's so true.

Anyway, just thought y'all could get a nice laugh out of my stupidity.

first attraction

2006-02-24T14:29:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, Ari and I went out for table side guacamole at Cozymels (which was amazing, by the way). When we were there we were talking about how Ari has never dated a girl he was friends with first. I said, "yeah but we were friends before we started dating" and he told me that that was kind of true and that even though we were friends he always knew that he wanted to date me. Which I didn't actually know. I started thinking about when I realized I wanted to be dating Ari and after thinking about it this is what I decided. One of the first things that attracted me to him was when he decided he wanted to come up to Michigan with me, when he barely even knew me. But the day I knew I could date him was a month before we started dating. The weekend after Michigan. Here's the story...

A group of us drove up to Lake Geneva in Wisconsin and rented a boat and went tubing and water skiing and whatnot. That ended up being one of the best days ever! Then we were driving home and Ari was driving and I was in the front seat and it was 12:30am and I saw some sprinklers on the side of the road so I said, "lets go run through the sprinklers" half joking. Ari said "okay" and pulled over the car. We both got out (everyone in the back was sleeping) and ran through the sprinklers and got back in the car. It was awesome.

Almost everyone who knows me knows that I constantly say things like that secretly hoping that people will do crazy things with me but knowing that they will always so no. Well, from that day on I could always count on Ari to be crazy and random with me. Which made me quickly fall for him.

Grandma Dedic

2006-02-18T12:35:00.000-06:00

When I was growing up, and still to this day, I alway had a kind of second family; the Dedics. Madeleine and Ken were my (as Erika would say) back up mom and dad. Carrie was the only sister I ever knew and Kenny was just like another brother (as if I needed any more). When I was a kid I remember seeing grandma dedic at all of the big gatherings at the dedic's house and I loved it. She was always such a wonderful person. I remember how her eyes lit up whenever one of her grandchildren walked into the room and how she genuinly cared about each and every family member, and that included the Thomas'. She made me feel special. She was different than any other person I knew. It wasn't that I ever liked her more than my grandmas (my grandmas are pretty wonderful as well), it was just that I enjoyed being in her presence. I enjoyed the atmosphere that she brought with her everywhere she went. As I grew older I learned to appreciate her sense of humor and quick wit. I loved her a lot and always thought of her as another grandma of my own. When my mom called me on Tuesday to tell me that she had passed away, I tried so hard to not let it bother me. I tried so hard not to cry (which I think bothered Ari a lot). Then I went to the wake on Thursday and avoided the casket and told myself I was just there to be a friend to the Dedics. Then yesterday was the funeral. I lost it. I barely made it through the hymn they sang in the very begining. The thing was, as I looked around at all of Grandma Dedic's children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren my heart grew heavy. This amazing woman had an impact on so many people. Every one she came in contact with were deeply touched by her love. And it made me sad to know that whoever I marry will never get the opportunity to be loved by her. And if I ever have kids they wont get the chance to love her as much as I do. And then I started thinking about how much she suffered in her life. Through all the health problems and cancer and everything else, and she survived and lived her life... 91 years of her life. And now she is in Heaven with her Lord whom she loved so much, which just made me cry harder. But this time they were tears of joy. Tears rejoicing the fact that she had such a fulfilled 91 years of life. Rejoicing that she had so many people at her funeral that loved her and so many people who couldn't make it who loved her and were so deeply impacted by her.

So, in parting I just want to say...

We little knew that morning
God was going to call your name
In life we loved you dearly
In death we do the same
It broke our hearts to lose you
You did not go alone
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home

You left us beautiful memories
Your love is still our guide
And though we cannot see you
You are always at our side

Our family chain is broken
And nothing seems the same
But as God calls us one by one
The chain will link again.
-Author unknown

NEW PICS!

2006-02-07T14:38:00.000-06:00

I just uploaded a bunch of pictures onto my website. To view them click here -- my photos

The new albums are:
New Years Eve--I went to a a family party at Aunt Cheryl's house which was, as always, really fun. Goodbye Ann--One of my best friends, Ann, went to Yemen for language school. This was her last night (well, her last night was spent with family, this was the night before her last night)
Fun times--These are mainly pics of fun times shared with my friends. From Ari and me just being us to a group of us driving up to Wisconsin for dinner to random pictures of random people. But it's fun! :) check them out

So jealous (but in a good way)

2006-02-04T09:59:00.000-06:00

My cousin, Justin, is spending his semester in Australia. He is taking a bunch of great classes and doing a bunch of "once in a lifetime" things. Last week, he learned how to surf. How cool is that? Okay, for me, that is really cool, since learning to surf is on my list of things I want to do before I die. But seriously, this cousin of mine is now taking the month of February to travel (and he is miraculously only missing one class). So, he leaves for the Outback today and will be there for five days. Then next week he is going to Tasmania for five days. Then off to Caims for five days. And finally to Whitsunday Islands for three days. Did I mention that on his way to Australia he stopped for a week in Fiji and on his way home he will be in New Zealand for a week and a half? Man....

So, why am I telling you all of this? Because the way this trip is changing my cousin is humbling. He quickly adapted to the culture and idea of "no worries." He is enjoying the little things in life. He is off learning to surf and traveling and still getting schoolwork done and laying on the beach perfecting his tan and celebrating Australia Day and so on. Before he left he woke up at three in the morning to stand in line to get into the Price is Right and he appeared 37 times on the show (he was sitting right behing the contestants).

And when I think about all of this I ask myself, "self... what has happened to you?" I know this sounds really stupid, but I have let myself become the one thing I don't want to be. I go to class, go to work, come home and get my chores done, and then I am spent for the night. I wake up the next day and do it all over again. I rationalize before making any decision and miss out on a lot of fun things that way. I used to be the person that would up and go whenever. Ready for anything.

So these past two weeks I have been trying to change back to the old Monaca who loved life and randomeness. Which has been fun, I have ended up on two random two hour road trips. I have been more spontaneous and I have been laughing a lot more. Why aren't more people like this?

Anyway, I know that was a bunch of non-coherent, rambling but... you get the idea.

Blonde joke of the century!!

2006-01-30T14:02:00.000-06:00

OK-- I am not a fan of blonde jokes but this one had me laughing all morning -- not even joking... I found it on Julie's blog. To read it, click here.

2006-01-29T15:50:00.000-06:00

Heather Cady sent this to me in an email and since I have nothing else to do except for homework (which I have been doing all day)... enjoy.

1. What time is it? 3:51pm
2. Your name: Monaca
3. Nickname: Mon, Mony, Italy
4. Piercing: Lots in my ears
5. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theatre? I saw Narnia on Christmas
6. Eye colour: hazelish
7. Place of birth: Winfield, IL
8. Favourite foods: Any type of pasta, chicken parmesian
9. Ever been to Africa? No, but some day
10. Ever been toilet papering: yeah, back in the day... which was a wednesday by the way. Any time someone is talking about back in the day it was always a wednesday. Take that home -- chew it. It's delicious.
11. Ever love someone so much it made you cry: What am I? In eighth grade?
12. Been in a car accident: Oh, lets not go there.
13. Croutons or bacon bits: Like all foods, it depends on my mood
14. Favourite day of the week: Saturdays -- I get to sleep in, then Celeste and I make homemade waffles and then Saturday nights Ari and I usually get to go out because neither of us have to work on Sundays.
15. Favourite restaurant: At the moment I am craving Chili's boneless buffalo wings. So I will have to go with Chili's
16. Favourite Flower: White daisy
17. Favourite sport to watch: futbol (aka soccer)
18. Favourite drink: Hot: coffee with baily's irish cremem in it Cold: water
19. Favourite ice cream: Breyer's vanilla bean
20. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney without hesitation
21. Favourite fast food restaurant: Arby's or Fazoli's
22. What colour is your bedroom carpet: Carpet in my bedroom? that's unheard of! I am a hardwood floors kind of gal!
23. How many times you failed your driver's test: I didn't
24. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail: Ann Milauskas
26. What do you do most often when you are bored? If I am home, I get online and see if Heather or Ann are online. If they are not (which is pretty likely considering the 7-9 hour time differences) then I read or watch a movie or fill out stuff like this...
27. Bedtime: between 11pm and 1am
28. Favourite TV shows? ALIAS
29. Last person you had dinner with? Last night Celeste, Gerry, Josh, Charles, Ari, and I drove two hours to eat dinner at Prime Quarter in Wisconsin
30. Book you've read most recently: The Brothers' K by DAvid James Duncan
31. What are you listening to right now: The Rent Movie Soundtrack
32. What is your favourite colour: Blue and purple
33. How many tattoos do you have? just one
34. How many pets do you have? My fish Vaughn -- but I actually had a dream last night that he die

Jam Off!

2006-01-23T10:35:00.000-06:00

I am in a commercial!! I didn't tell anyone this, but when I was in Spain this summer they came out with this great new product called "Jam Off" and Troy and I auditioned for the parts for the commercial and got it! Troy figured out how to post the commercial on his blog so to watch it, click here.

SEVENS

2006-01-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

So, Troy tagged me for this a long time ago.... So here are my sevens

Seven Things to Do Before I Die
1- Go to Kenya
2- Write a book
3- Learn sign language fluently
4- Swim with a dolphin
5- Visit every state in the US
6- Run in a marathon
7- Help plant a church

Seven Things I Cannot Do
1- Draw
2- Eat steak (or any meat on a bone)
3- Lie to my mom (not that I really try to...)
4- Flip a skateboard over on a jump and actually land on it
5- Read mystery novels
6- Make homemade meatballs (they never come out right)
7- Fall asleep with a pillow under my head

Seven Things that Attract Me to My Boyfriend
1- His faith
2- He has the utmost respect for women
3- He is spontaneous and random
4- He is witty
5- He has an ability to make whoever he is talking to feel like they are wonderful, even if it's for just that moment
6- His passion
7- He sets goals for himself and doesn't give up on them

Seven Things I Say Most Often
1- No, no
2- Seriously
3- Okay so...
4- Hillarious
5- It was pretty great
6- I'm sorry
7- Pretty much...

Seven Books I Love
1- Brothers' K byDavid James Duncan
2- After Silence by Nancy Raine
3- The Giver by Lois Lowry
4- Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff
5- Every Young Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn
6- A Child Called It by Dave Peltzer
7- Amazing Grace by Jonathon Kozol

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again
1- Dead Poets Society
2- Shawshank Redemption
3- Power of One
4- Return to Me
5- Italian Job
6- Pay It Forward
7- Notting Hill

Seven People I Want to Join in Too
1- Ariel Leo
2- Matthew Wendling
3- Mike Clawson
4- Wendy Taylor
5- Julie Clawson
6- Brienne Leo
7- Jodi Ippel

coming alive

2006-01-16T09:33:00.000-06:00

My life has been an emotional rollercoaster this month. There have been rejoicing and smiling and tears shed and hurt and love and pain and fear and honor and joy all at the same time. I have been up and down and don't even know where to start.

I started babysitting again. Which has been absolutely wonderful. Nicholas and Michael are great kids and they really keep me going. I will really miss it when they start preschool full time. It almost makes me want to get qualified to be a home school teacher... maybe Andrea would still let me babysit them then... ha, just kidding. Nonetheless, I am completely enjoying the job I have.

My health is almost completely back to normal. I think I am going to start running a short distance tomorrow and then slowly further that distance each day. We shall see how my body handles that. Hopefully I will be able to be back to my normal self by next weekend.

Two weekends ago I went on a ski trip with my family (and by family, I do not mean a single person in my immediate family). I, of course, did not ski; but that ended up being pretty cool anyway because I sat in the bar/lounge all day with uncle tom, aunt cheryl, aunt carol, uncle tony, aunt nettie, and ang playing cards. ALL DAY. It was fabulous. Then at night my cousins and I would come up with fun things to do. Playing hearts, hide and seek, and other crazy games. It was a great trip. The day after we got back from the weekend in Wisconsin, my cousins (Justin, Tommy, Anna, Danny, and I) went over to our grandmother's house and played some cards with her. She took our money (as always). I don't know why we play with her, she always wins... but we love it. That night was really fun but also kind of a sad night. I had to say goodbye to Tommy who went back to school in Miami, Florida. Then I had to say goodbye to Justin who went to Australia for his semester. It was really sad.

I talked to Ann on the phone for the first time! (For those of you who don't know--my closest friend, Ann, left for the Middle East on January 1 to be a missionary.) It was so good to talk to her. She seems to be doing well. We told a lot of stories, laughed A LOT, and cried. It was an emotional phone conversation, but neccesary and wonderful. I miss her a lot. It's not really that I miss how supportive she was or that I miss telling her everything or that I am really lonely without her (although I miss all of those, I have other good friends that are here for me). I really miss the little stuff. My friendship with Ann was all about the little things. We would tell each other the dumb things we did during the day -- like fall down the stairs or get someone's name wrong or have a funny conversation or spill food on ourselves. We would tell each other all the fun little things we did during the day like play a fun game or run around to the mission impossible theme song or play a trick on a friend. And we would keep each other accountable on everything. I miss that. I miss knowing all the little things that are happening in her life and I hate not being a part of it. So talking to her was good, we shared a bunch of little, unimportant stories that, to us, seemed to be the most important thing in the world. And it was emotional, but wonderful.

Speaking of missing friends... This weekend I went up to Calvin, my old school. I brought my good friend, Brad, because he is thinking about going to school there. I am pretty sure after this weekend he is definitely going to go to school there. We had so much fun. I cannot really express how sad I was to leave behind my friends. It has been hard because lately I have felt like, besides a very select few, my friendships in Chicago have been lacking. I have been hungry for friends who know how to have a good time and know how to be encouraging. My frineds at Calvin are like that, and I miss them. It felt good to be able to laugh all weekend. I feel like I don't laugh very often these days -- which is sad because laughing is what makes me "come alive"

This has been a dry month. Maybe my weekend will be the start of a more uplifting month. Maybe I will be able to come alive... It's a good thing I have such a wonderful, supportive boyfriend...

Eight days

2006-01-03T13:11:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in the last eight days and I feel like I should catch everyone up on my week.

Christmas was wonderful. I celebrated Christmas on the 24th with Mom, Dad, Christopher, and Erika. We had a nice brunch, exchanged gifts, and went to my cousins' house for our big LaMonaca celebration. Christmas day was pretty relaxed. God and I got to spend some good quality time together. Justin, Erica, Ari, and I went to see Narnia, which was pretty good!

During the week I wasn't supposed to work (doctors orders) so I basically spent every day with Ann and every night with Ari. So, pretty much a repeat of the week before. I spent a lot of time over at Ann's house--watching her pack, burning her cds onto her laptop for her, opening packages for her, and doing all the little, tedious stuff that she didn't have time to do. It was really great to spend time with her, but so weird. How do you pack for three years? Crazy.

Then on Thursday I got really sick with the flu. It was awful. But I spent all day Friday in bed so that I could go to Ann's going away party. I went and it was good. If you have not yet played the game Apples to Apples, you must. That's all I have to say.

Friday night Ari and I dropped Ann off at her house and I had to say goodbye to her. We cried and hugged and then had a snowball fight. Her last snowball fight for at least three years... It was wonderful. I could not think of a better way to say goodbye. She left for the middle east at 7:30 in the morning on Sunday. I was supposed to pray for her before she left, but when I went to bed I accidently brought my brother's phone upstairs with me instead of mine. So, when she called it didn't wake me up. No one will ever know how sad I that made me.

I still don't know if she made it safely. She had a layover in Boston, then a layover in Germany, then she was landing in the country at 11pm on Monday. She was going to stay overnight in a hotel and then take the seven hour bus ride into the town where she will be living for the next three years. She is probably unpacking her stuff right now. Hopefully we will get an email from her soon.

My new years eve was eventful, but I will have to write about that at another time. I'm sick of typing now.

Serenity Prayer

2005-12-25T10:24:00.000-06:00

God, grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference...

Are you ready?

2005-12-24T09:06:00.000-06:00

OK--After I wrote my last blog entry God kind of kicked me in the booty! I have so much to be thankfull for.

First of all, I may be in pain, but it could be so much worse. I could have died. Last week in one of my Bible studies we talked about "are you ready?" Are you ready to leave this earth? I said sure! Why not? I can't wait to be with my father! God kind of laughs at me now. I'm not nearly ready enough. And instead of taking all this free time that I have to just be in God's glory, I wallow in my self-pity.

Well, I am done wallowing.

That's it, that's my story. Now I need to go lay back down...

My sad existence

2005-12-23T17:27:00.000-06:00

I am actually quite depressed right now. No one wants to hang out with someone who cannot do anything but lay on the couch. For goodness sake I can't even get my own water. I hate it. I hate depending on people. I hate being in pain...

The pain along my abdomen is not getting any better. I have been loading up on vicadin but it doesn't seem to be getting any better. It's not really the pain that is bothering me anymore. Now it is just the lonliness. My housemates work during the day so I just lay here by myself all day long. Ari is really good to me, but he works a ton as well. The only other person who has actually come to spend time with me is Ann -- my one friend who is already incredibly stressed out and overwhelmed with her life as it is. And I am not complaining about my friends, I know they all have crazy lifes. I am just really sick of being alone... at least I have Everette, Irwin, Pete, and Kincaid to keep me company (the characters in my favorite book).

And now that I have been sitting up for fifteen minutes I seem to be in pain.

Peace out y'all.

My life is so dumb

2005-12-23T12:11:00.000-06:00

Well, there isn't much else to do with my life right now... SO.....

The ABC’s of Mon

A - Age of your first kiss: 14
B - Band you are listening to right now: the rent soundtrack
C – Crush: how old am i?
D – Dad’s name: Billy
E – Easiest person to talk to: Ann Milauskas
F – Favorite Ice Cream: vanilla bean
G – Gummy worms or gummy bears: worms
H – Hometown: west chicago
I – Instruments: guitar
J – Junior High: Benjamin (I was a Bengal!)
K – Kids: don't have any
L – Longest car ride ever: the car ride home from Florida with mom, dad, christopher, joe and me and I had to sit in between chris and joe... ugh
M – Mom’s name: Patty
N - Nicknames: Mon, Mony, Grace
O – One wish: i know this is cheesy, but peace on earth... seriously
P – Phobia [s]: heights
Q– Quote: do not worry for tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself; each day is sufficient for it's own.
R – Reason to smile: Jesus
S – Song you sang last: 1,000 sweet kisses (from rent)
T – Time you woke up: 7:00am I can't sleep in! I hate it!
U – Unknown fact about me: I don't have it as together as people thing
V – Vegetable[s] you hate: CORN!!
W – Worst Habit: cracking my knuckles
X – X-rays you’ve had: ankle, knee, back, wrist, CAT scans on my stomach, back, head, kneck, MRIs on my back and knee
Y – Years since you’ve been to church: uh... I was at church two Sundays ago (last Sunday I was sick)
Z – Zodiac sign: taurus

Now I need to go back and lay down. I will get up to type up another health update a little later today.

Health Update

2005-12-22T09:31:00.000-06:00

I called the hospital yesterday to find out what my test results where. They told me if someone doesn't call, then everything is fine. So, I went to bed feeling good. At 9:00 this morning I got a phone call from the doctor he treated me in the ER. He said that the blood in my urine was coming from my kidneys. But as long as I haven't seen any more blood and as long as I continue to not see any blood, I will be fine. If there are any changes I need to get back into the ER immediately. Other than that, my body had been shaken around too much and something is bound to be abnormal for a couple days (those where his words). I think I can handle that. I asked him about the pain I have been in the last two days (which has been an immense amount of pain), he told me that I had some internal bruising and it is just going to hurt for a couple days. I need to stay laying down for the majority of the day, continue to not be active, and drink lots of water. Great. Another day of this and I may just go insane.

Anyway, I am okay and that is all that matters.

a little reflection

2005-12-20T17:15:00.000-06:00

Well, it has finally hit me... no pun intended. I was in a car accident. My car flipped over. Woah.

So here's the deal. Having a near-death experience can change someone's life. Esspecially thinking about the fact that this was my first near death experience that was completely my fault. I almost killed myself (or at least almost seriously injured myself).

I am lying on my couch in the same spot that I have been in since 8:00 this morning (with the exception of getting up to go to the bathroom and getting up to get more water). I can't watch the tv because if I turn my neck it hurts too much, but I can hear one of my favorite movies playing (Dead Poets Society). The lap top is on my lap and the strain in my neck from lifting it up to see the screen is starting to travel down my spine. I have taken a vicadin which seems to be doing nothing. And as I type this I noticed my hospital bracelet is still on. My hospital bracelet... There is a bruise from where they took blood and a bruise from where my IV was. So unreal.

Now that I am done complaining, let me tell you what I did with my time on this couch. First of all, God suprises me in ways I can never comprehend. I have been praying a lot lately for some time to just settle down and relax and just be. Well, I got it. I have been praying lately that my world would be shaken and that God would strip me so that I had nothing left to focus on but Him. Well, I am shaken. I have been praying lately that I would be able to just get some good alone time with God and learn to have/keep my priorities straight. Well, I had all day today to be alone with God. Thankfully I was able to pull my Bible out of the wreckage yesterday. God humbled me today. He also reminded me, yet again, that I need to be careful what I pray for.

I have also had a chance to read my all time favorite book The Brother's K by David James Duncan. This book is excellent. Throughout the entire book it keeps my attention - it has me smiling, crying and laughing. So I guess I haven't been too lonely here. I have had Everette and Peter and Irwin and Kincaid to keep me company.

From the time I started this blog entry to now, the vicadin seems to be working. Well, not taking away all of the pain, but I feel more upbeat. I feel able to carry on a conversation--which is a huge step from the rest of the day.

This morning, for the first time since the accident, I cried. It was the first time I was actually alone since the accident and I think it has finally sunk in. My car is totalled. It's gone. The car that I learned how to drive on. The car that has been mine since I turned sixteen. Gone. Because of me. I killed my car. I got into a car accident. It was one of those accidents that if I had been driving by and saw the car upsidedown, my heart would have sped up incredibly and I would have had to catch my breath. Then I would have checked the newspapers the next day to see if there were any deaths...

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, God protected me and still managed to give me the things I ask for and still never ceases to suprise me. I guess my life has finally settled down.

Still no news from the hospital. They said they would call either today or tomorrow, so I guess I probably won't hear from them until tomorrow.

A conversation Ann and I just had:
(while talking about a mental hospital nearby)
Ann -"can I go?"
Me - "where? home?"
"no. to the hospital"
"sure, want me to drive you?"
short pause
"no"
longer pause
"you don't have a car..."
we both make frowning faces.

not as okay as i thought

2005-12-20T07:56:00.000-06:00

Yesterday after the whole ordeal (if you are wondering what ordeal... read the post before this one) I thought I was fine. Well, it turned out I was not so fine. At 9:00 last night, Ari ended up taking me to the hospital because I had been getting some pain in my abdomin and it just kept getting worse and worse as the night had gone on. It wasn't severe pain or anything, I just wanted to check it out to be safe.

They ran some tests-- CAT scan, blood tests, urine test. It all came pack okay, except for one. There was a little trace of blood in my urine, which could mean a number of things. It could just be nothing. Sometimes women just have small traces of blood in their urine. It could be damage to my kidneys or liver that the CAT scan couldn't pick up on right away. He mentioned some other things, but I was still hung up on the sentence "we found some blood in your urine." They sent the urine off to be tested some more and they will get back to me.

So far things seemed to be okay, I am just in a lot of pain today. My stomach pains have gotten worse than they were last night. My back and neck are stiff and killing me. I have a headache. My knee hurts. It feels kind of like I was in a car accident where my car flipped over... oh wait...

ALIAS saved my life

2005-12-19T15:13:00.000-06:00

I have had a lot of moments in my life where I have thought "wow, I could have died right then." Today I experienced the second scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life (don't ask me what the first is).

I got into a car accident today. For those of you who know the area, I was at North Ave and Morton Rd. For those of you who don't know the area, going north on Morton rd I have to cross three lanes of traffic going east bound and then yield in the middle and then cross three lanes of traffic going west bound. There are no traffic lights. My mom HATES this intersection, but it is the fastest way to get to my parent's house. Today I thought about going the "long" way, but I was on lunch break for jury duty and just wanted to get to my parents house so I could eat lunch with Mom.

I was sitting in the middle of North Ave. waiting to cross over and there was a break in the cars so I hit my gas. As soon as I hit the gas I saw a small black car appear behind an SUV that had been turning. Apparently, all the cars hadn't passed yet. I tried to get out of the way of the car and all of it could have been avoided if the driver had actually hit her brakes or turned the wheel even a little bit (or if she hadn't been speeding, but that's another story)-- but she didn't do any of that. I watched the car hit me and the next thing I felt was my car lifting off the ground. My car landed on it's side (the driver's side) and then flipped onto the hood. It all happened in slow motion (esspecially the flipping of the car).

When my car flipped I miraculously did NOT move at all. My body was strapped in securely by my seatbelt. My head never touched the winshield or the roof of my car. My body never touched the stering wheel. My legs never hit the dashboard.

My first instinct was that I had to get out of the car. In every movie or TV show that I have seen a car flip over it always catches on fire. So all I could think was, "Get out before you burn to death!" I was still stuck behind my seatbelt so I reached to unhook it. It was stuck--the very thing that saved my life had now become my worst enemy.

At this point, I went into ALIAS mode. I (don't laugh) asked myself, "What would Sydney Bristow do?" I remembered an episode where she was in a flipped car and she had to push herself up in order to release pressure on the belt. So I used one arm to push myself up as hard as I could and used the other to unlatch the belt. It worked! I fell and made contact with my car for the first time.

My next feat was getting out. The passenger side window has shattered, but there was not enough room to get out. The driver side window was okay. I tried to kick the window out - I kicked once and then thought maybe I should try rolling it down first. So I hit the button and it rolled down (thank goodness). I immediately crawled out the window.

The whole thing was surreal. I got out of the car and walked five or six steps away and then turned around and looked at the sight. My back tires were still spinning, glass was shattered everywhere, and a guy was on his cell phone yelling "is anybody hurt?" I couldn't answer him, I just stared. Finally, he ran over to me and I mustered out a "no" and then realized that two cars were involved in the accident.

I ran over to the woman who had been driving. She was out of her car, shaking and crying. There was very little damage to the front of her car (don't ask me how that happened). I asked her if she was okay and she just walked away from me. Meanwhile, a tow truck who had seen the car flipped, pulled over and blocked traffic for a while. He made me sit in his truck even though I didn't want to sit down. He let me use his phone to call mom. Here's how the conversation went:

"Hey mom, uh, I got into a car accident. I'm OK! I'll be home in a little bit. Don't worry. I'm fine."
"Where are you?"
"I gotta go mom, the police are here. I'll be home soon, the police officer will give me a ride. Don't worry."
*click*

I then called Ari:
"uh, so, I got into a car accident. My car is totalled but I am fine. I just wanted to let you know. I will call you later!"

By this time the ambulence was there and wanting to check me out. They took my vitals, listened to my lungs, asked me if I had any pain...

I was fine. I walked away from the accident without a scratch on me.

I am the luckiest "son of a gun" that I know. I've had a good four hours to reflect on it all and listen to all of this...
I wore my glasses for the first time today in weeks. When I crawled out of the car there were shards of glass everywhere, especially on my face. My glasses were covered in pieces of glass that would have otherwise been in my eyes.

There are a lot of things on top of everything else that I could talk about but Ari just got here and I am going to spend time with him.

One more thing - maybe it wasn't ALIAS that saved my life. The police officer who filed the report said something along the lines of, "Someone must be on your side..." I think she was right.

I'm being vulnerable now...

2005-12-18T16:49:00.000-06:00

Two Names You Go By
1. Mon
2. Monaca

Two Things That Scare You
1. Guys
2. The dark

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Prayer
2. Deep conversations

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. My epilepsy bracelet
2. My favorite jeans

Two Things You want in a relationship
1. Honesty
2. Communication

Two Truths
1. God is love
2. Jesus saves

Two Self-Truths
1. The idea that I have it all together is a complete act
2. I am really scared of getting hurt in friendships

Two things You hate:
1. Gossip
2. Lies

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You
1. Warming/welcoming smile
2. Athletic looking

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Riding my bike
2. Learning about people

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. To be a social worker
2. Free time

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. I want to go to Florida and swim with the dolphins
2. Ireland
3. I want to LIVE in Spain (does that count?)

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Write a book
2. Learn sign language fluently

Two Ways that you are Stereotypically a Girl
1. I like boys
2. I worry about my weight

I promise -- one day I will actually write something of substance... just give me some time to get my life back together.

Memories: take two

2005-12-14T13:48:00.001-06:00

Memories from freshman year at Calvin...

Memory One: MALARI'S HEAD
I don't think I will ever forget this... A buanch of people were hanging out in the basement of our dorm and Malari was being her crazy self--walking about on the tables. She out of no where decides she wants to jump off the table, forgetting that the ceiling comes down lower at one point in the basement. She leaps gracefully and smashes her head on a corner of the ceiling and falls to the ground. She gets up laughing and saying "I'm okay guys" but that didn't stop the blood from gushing out of the hole in her head! She was taken to the hospital and had three staples put in her head. I slept in her room that night with my phone alarm ringing every two hours to make sure she didn't have a concusion. Fun times.

Memory Two: FAKE BAKED
My freshman year roommate, Heather, was awesome. We had a lot of fun together--although we were VERY different people. Once a week she would go tanning and get her eyebrows waxed. She was always encouraging me to go with her so finally one day I thought, "what they hey... I'll go" so I went. We got our eyebrows waxed and that was fun. Then we went tanning. I stayed in the booth for seven minutes. Seven minutes is all it took for me to get severe burns. I slept naked for the next week and only put on clothes to go to class -- otherwise I was wrapped up in a blanket. I remember running down the hallway to Kay's room wrapped in my blanket (and nothing else) because Kay was the only one around to put Aloe on me, which needed to be applied every fifteen minutes. Yes, the aloe that I made Andrew make a midnight run to Meijer for...

Memory Three: A COLD SLUMBER
Heather, my roomie, would go home every weekend so I was pretty lonely on weekends. I would often sleep in Malari and Jackie's room on their futon! One night Jaclyn and I are sleeping on the futon and Mal was in her bed and we were talking about nothing in particular. When out of nowhere Mal decides to throw her nalgene water bottle onto us. Jackie got most of the water -- but I was so shocked I didn't really know what to do. We spent the next half hour laughing