Hymn for the day:

God is mys trong salvation
What foe have I to fear?
In darkness and temptation
My light, my help is near:
Though hosts encamp around me,
Firm to the fight I stand;
What terror can confound me,
With God at my right hand?

Place on the Lord reliance,
My soul with courage wait;
His truth be thine affiance,
When faint and desolate.
His might they heart shall strengthen,
His love thy joy increase;
Mercy thy days shall lengthen,
They Lord will give thee peace.

I Am

Someone sent this to me in an email. I thought it was cool. I also think you should copy it and delete whats green and fill in your own answers, then post in on your blogs...

I Am alive

I Want freedom

I Have hope

I Wish for peace

I Hate steak

I Fear darkness

I Hear rain on the roof

I Search for truth

I Wonder what's to come

I Regret nothing

I Love because Jesus loved

I Ache when I hurt others

I Always try to be myself

I Usually fail

I Am Not a liar

I Dance to free my soul

I Sing all the time

I Never hurt people intentionaly

I Rarely feel lonely

I Cry when I feel lonely

I Am Not Always what I seem to be

I Lose faith in humanity every day

I'm Confused about what I am doing with my life

I Need answers

I am...

Heather did this on her blog. She told me I should to it too and since I do anything she tells me... here it is. If you want to do it, the format is here.

I am from refrigerator boxes that can keep everyone amused for hours, from maytag and caputo’s

I am from the smell of something cooking in the kitchen, the sound of small paws on the hardwood floors and pots and pans clanking at dawn

I am from the cheap flowers that decorate our kitchen to the apple trees and tulips and evergreens that decorate our backyard

I am from the family BBQs and loud parties where everyone competes to be heard, from Francesco and Fortunata and Grandma Lucy

I am from true competitiveness, family importance, and catholic guilt.

From your face will stay like that and stop touching each other and silences where bad words were thought but not spoken

I am from saying the rosary and praying to Mary, standing up and sitting down when told to, rehearsing words I never knew the meaning of.

I’m from Chicago and Italy and England and Ireland, from pasta with every meal and grams’ homemade zugu

From the Italian grandfather who didn’t like to talk about his childhood and the father who isn’t Italian

I am from dusty bookshelves and dirty cabinets containing photo albums that have since been forgotten

Newest poem

Hey guys, here's the newest poem I wrote for my poetry class.

Final Goodbyes
A searing pain
runs through my brain
leaving me paralyzed
I lay in bed
thoughts racing in my head
avoiding final goodbyes
I feel such a shame
from life's wasted game
with so much left unsaid
I can't comprehend
the way this will all end
her soul is already so dead
There was so much I hated
and so much wasn't appreciated
she had so much love to give
And as I watch her sleep
I can hear the monitors beep
as sickness takes her body captive
I start to yell
crying "why this awful hell?"
but I never get an answer
I scream to God "why?"
as her soul starts to fly
she's lost her body to cancer
--written 11/1/06

Together

Here is poem four.

Together

layer by layer
you unwrap me
with your soft eyes
and gentle smile

I long to know you more.

one by one
you remove my masks
making me feel naked
and vulnerable

I ache to be in your arms.

you held me close yesterday
and I couldn't catch my breath
you whispered in my ear
and I felt my heart racing

I yearn to touch your face.

I want to love you
and wrap my body in yours
and ride away into the sunset
knowing that only one thing is right

You and me.
Together.
-Written 10/1/05

New Poem

Oh man, my life is crazy. Anyway, here is poem three for my poetry class. The assignment was to draw a picture using water colors and then from that pictures write a poem. So, I drew a picture of a beach and this is the poem I created.

My Favorite Beach

I remember how it made me feel
every time I'd watch the sunset
my cares would evaporate with the colors

When I was growing up
I used to jog there for hours
leaving my fears behind me

At night the moon would stand high
reflecting on the water
and the world would stop around me

You took me there once

We walked for hours
your hand entangled in mine
the way I thought our bodies should be

And as we kissed
your hands were wrapped in my hair
and I felt it

I used to know you

And now as I lay by myself
I wonder where the time has gone
and who the boy I once loved has become
--Written 9/21/05

Today I Remembered...

Here's poem two for my poetry class. It's hard to describe the actual assignment so the poem will seem really weird and random out of context, but just know that it was written to fit the assignment. Anyway, you'll know what it is about... but it is not about me (like most of the poems I have written).

Today I Remembered
I can't stop thinking about you
and it's driving me insane
You still haunt me every day
in this world of pain

My life is so different without you
which is the way it has to be
I'm filled with so much anger now
about the way you treated me

Today I saw originality
it reminded me of you
the way you came up with excuses
for everything you'd do

Today I saw silverware
such a simple thing
but it reminded me of all the threats
and how much the cuts would sting

Today I saw an animal trapped
that's how I felt when we dated
you would do things just to piss me off
thing you know I hated

Today I saw a bird shit
it splattered everywhere
it reminded me of your shit
how you pretended to care

But then I saw him put his arm around her
and kiss her gently on the head
it reminded me of how sweet you could be
how gently you'd hold me in bed

And I saw him look at her
and whisper softly in her ear
it reminded me of the times you held me
softly telling me I had nothing to fear

I saw him reach for her
and gently take her hand
you had such a power over me
that I will never understand

But then I saw her pull away
with pain in her eyes
and I remembered who you really are
I remembered all the lies

I remembered all the bruises
and all the tears I cried
I remembered the night you beat me so hard
that night I almost died

I remember all the hospital visits
the times I "fell down the stairs"
all the excuses I'd come up with
and you convinced me that nobody cares

I remember how you'd grab my arm
Leaving bruises from squeezing so tight
and the times you'd throw things at me
or how often I cried through the night

I remember the sound of the door slamming
the smell of alcohol on your breath
the taste of cigarettes when you kissed me
oh, how you used to make me wish for death
--Written 9/15/05

my poetry

I apologize for not blogging this week. School hit me kind of hard. Anyway, I will continue with my posts tomorrow.

For now, I want to share my poetry. I am in a poetry writing class and I love it. Our assignment that is due on Tuesday is to write a poem based on a line in a book we read. I am currently reading a book called "Abortion's Second Victim." I chose a line out of the book and wrote a poem about it. So here it is (critiques are appreciated).

To Bethany Ann
I was only sixteen
Alone in the world
And scared for your life
And my own
I had been hurt
I didn't know what to do
How to take care of you
Or myself
I took the test at week seven
Until then I was in denial
After, I was still in denial
Still alone
At week nine I heard your heartbeat
And I cried for days
How could your heart beat so strong
When mine had stopped
At week thirteen I saw a picture
Your body taking form
I started to gain weight
I was so scared
At week fourteen the nurse told me
You were my baby girl
I threw myself down the stairs that day
What else could I do?
By week fifteen you had a name
Bethany Ann, I called you
Bethany--the town where Jesus rose Lazurus
Would he raise you?
By week sixteen it was over
I sat in church and cried
I was convinced it was for the best
But you were gone
I never got to see your eyes
Or the color of your hair
I miss you more every day
And once again, I am alone.
--Written 9/9/05

I Remember

I remember when you used to tell me
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours"
Well, I never told you this, but I never really wanted to see yours.
I remember when you told me
"It is perfectly normal to do this"
Well, I never believed you, I was just too scared to say something.
Do you remember how
you used to lie to the people we loved?
Well, you started me off early, now my whole life is a lie.
Do you remember the time
You stuck your tongue inside me?
Well, I felt so dirty that day, because it actually felt good.
One time I jumped
I said it was because I just wasn't ready
What I really wanted to tell you was how much it hurt.
One time I thought you peed
You told me I'll understand when I'm older
Well, now I am older and I still have so many questions.
Why did you choose me
To have your fun with?
I was so yound and so innocent.
Did you ever stop to think
It may affect me for the rest of my life?
Does what we did ever affect you?
You touched me in places my parents didn't feel comfortable naming
And deep down I knew it was so wrong
But I couldn't make it stop
You said "this is our little secret to keep between just us"
It actually made me feel good to know I was your "little girl"
I tried to tell a friend once
But she just laughed and didn't believe me
So I told myself she was just jealous of you and me.
I hope that sometimes
When you see me
You think about what you did.
But don't worry
I never told another soul
Your secret's still safe within.
--Written July 30, 2005 (artist will remain unmentioned)

Ode to the Diggle

I dedicate this poem to Carrie Groen.
(Sorry it took me so long to write it... but everything happens in due time, right?)

The other day I felt it
Uncomfortable and new
I knew I shouldn't pick
But what else could I do?
I know I shouldn't have done it
I turned red in the face
But my underpants were bunching
In an unmentioned place
So I stuck my hand right there
And prepared for a dig
But nothing seemed to happen
So I added a little jig
I dug a little
Then added a wiggle
A dig and a wiggle
I call it - a diggle

Yay for wedgie picking! Anyway, there's a long story behing that poem... but for all you Calvin NV-Dubbers... know that I was thinking about the guy from BV during the Chaos Day video. haha! Memories!!

For everyone else who was subjected to that without understanding... my deepest apologies.

Here are some good Lyrics of the day... :)
And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I'll learn to get by
On little victories
-Matt Nathanson
**Here's to the little things in life