My friend, Bob

I have gotten a lot of questions and emails regarding my last post. So let me clarify what I believe.

As I Christian I have a struggle that continuously haunts me. There are plenty of instances where the liberal part of me says "yes, fight for that belief!" and the Christian part of me says "whoa, slow down a second. Would Jesus fight for this?" And that is where it gets iffy.

Though we have the Bible, there are so many things I am unclear on. Take homosexuality, for instance. Yes, it clearly says in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin. But so was prostitution and Jesus spent most of his time with the prostitutes and tax collectors. Jesus preached love--love everyone. We are all sinners and sin is sin, period. Whether it's not forgiving our brothers and sisters or prostitution or lying or homosexuality or lusting after that man or woman on TV, it is sin. Sin is sin. So why is the church pushing away homosexuals? Why is the church hating someone who had an abortion? Why does the church look down upon a man or woman who is divorced? Why does the church turn its back on people who need to see the love of Jesus more than anything?

More importantly, why hasn't the church turned its back on me? I am a sinner. And believe me, I am not better than any one else the church "looks down upon". I hold grudges and sometimes lie and sometimes I stuff my face with ho-hos. I find myself gossiping and sometimes I admire God's creation of Michael Vartan a little too much... Why has the church accepted me? Who decided those things are okay and I can repent and be forgiven but my brother who is gay and my sister who had an abortion and my brother who is divorced--they can't repent? they won't be forgiven? they aren't worthy??? (by my brother and sister I mean brothers and sisters in Christ).

True, they aren't worthy. But neither are you. Niether am I. No one is worthy, I am sure of that much.

So, though I don't really think that this guy who wrote Initiative 957 is really going to get his point across, I support the point he is trying to make. Which brings me to my next frustration (then I'll get off my soap box).

I have a friend whom I will call Bob. Bob and I were joking around one day and I said "you're going to go to hell for saying that" and he said "well, I don't believe in hell, so I guess I'm safe." That got me thinking.

You can tell Bob that homosexuality is a sin all you want but he doesn't believe in God, so why would that matter to him? If he doesn't believe in an after life, who are we to tell him he cannot be happy in his life on Earth? You see, I often see the corrupt world and remind myself that I am not home. That I have hope because I will be spending an eternity with God. Bob doesn't have that hope. He is home. This is his life--he only has one and he will live it to the fullest. I'm not saying that Bob is gay, but if he were, who are we to tell him he cannot be happy? Why can the government tell him he cannot get married?

Now some of my other Christian friends (particularly those friends from Calvin) would tell me that marriage is a unity between a man and a woman under God. True. So let's not let the Buddists and the Muslims and the agnostic and the atheists get married then too. If non-christians can get married in a courthouse (which is not a unity under God, by the way) then why can't homosexuals? So even if Bob isn't gay, because he doesn't believe in God does that mean he cannot fall in love? Does that mean he cannot commit to spend the rest of his life with a woman? Should we not allow him to get married because it would not be a unity under God because he does not believe in God? How is that fair? If marriage is about God, why do we get marriage certificates and it becomes a legal act? Where is the seperation of church and state?

If I get married, you better believe it will be a unity under God. I believe in God and I will marry someone else who believes. We will get married in a church and become one in God's eyes, but we will also become united as man and woman legally. The legal part is all the non-christians are looking for. They just want to be united legally.

As a Christian, I believe Jesus loves homosexuals just as much as he loves me. I also believe Jesus loves me just as much as he loves rapists and murderers. I believe he loves murderers just as much as he loves you. I believe he loves you just as much as he loves pastors and preachers and priests. I believe he loves priests just as much as he loves my friend, Bob. I believe he loves my friend, Bob, just as much as he loves my dad, who is becoming a Deacon. I believe he loves my dad just as much as he loved Judah, who betrayed him. I believe he loved Judah just as much as he loved his other disciples. I believe he loves his disciples just as much as he loved the prostitutes and tax collectors with whom he spent so much time. Get my point?

FORGIVENESS

I have been learning an important lesson in forgiveness. And here it is... I need to forgive.

Sounds simple right? WRONG. I always thought I was a forgiving person and that I didn't hold grudges, but I am realizing now how false those thoughts actually are. Here's an example:

My brother.

I love my brother. He has always been a huge example to me of how to live a good life. I've written about him in the past about how he lights up a room just by being in it. He's wonderful and everyone agrees. So why would I need to forgive him? Growing up, I always had this terrible feeling that he was perfect and everyone compared me to him and I could never be as great as him... so where did that leave me? Empty. The thing is, he never made it easier for me. When my parents would hurt my feelings, Christopher took their side. When I had a hard time with a friend, Christopher told me I was maybe doing something wrong. Whenever I had a feeling that I couldn't help - he reassured me that my feelings were wrong and that I shouldn't feel them.

Now, I know that my brother would never hurt me on purpose and I know that he probably never realized how much those things affected me but I cannot help that they did. We have feelings for a reason and to push them aside and act like they aren't real only complicates things. So for years and years I have been pushing my feelings toward Christopher aside. I convinced myself that I was the problem and that he didn't need to be forgiven and that ate me apart.

I am sure my brother didn't even know he needed to be forgiven, but he did. So last week I decided I was going to forgive him and not just say I forgave him but to act it out. To love him even when he hurts me. To stop having negetive feelings toward him. To understand that I am just a small dot on this earth and that God has forgiven me and who do I think I am that I deserve forgiveness in any way, shape or form? I don't and I have still been forgiven, so why should I hold a grudge against anyone on this earth.

So my new goal for this year is to forgive Ryan--A guy who hurt me more than anyone else ever could. But not just to forgive him, but to love him. To recognize that though he has strayed from God's plan for his life, he is still a child of God and God still loves him. And if God loves him, who am I to think I am incapable of loving a child of God. And if he has been forgiven for his sins, which are no worse than my own, who am I to hold a grudge?

That doesn't mean it will be easy, but I want to try. And for those of you who know who Ryan is -- feel free to ask me if I have forgiven him yet... I am sure I will need the reminders.

Above forgiving the people who have hurt me in big ways I need it's also important to remember to forgive the little things. Even more important than that---asking others to forgive me.

So to everyone out there that I have hurt (and I know that there are a lot of you)... I truly am sorry. Forgive me as Jesus forgives all of us, though non of us (esspecially me) are worthy.