Walking through fire

Last night I was feeling really depressed. It just seemed like it was one thing after another. I was babysitting all day but ended up being the worst babysitter ever. I had a migrane that had been with me from the day before. On top of the pain in my head, my back AND knee were both flaring up and in pain (don't know why). Then I just started getting really down on myself. I saw someone I definitely did not want to be seeing (for those of you who would understand, his name is Ryan). Then I came back home to my house hoping to find some solace--instead I found hurt. One of my roommates is so upset with me she refuses to talk to me. The hardest thing about it is that it is all a misunderstanding but she won't hear me out. So now, I am left feeling like crap. There were a bunch of other little things that just had me flustered, but I won't go into those details right now because those things are not the point of this post.

So after my long, exhausting day, I went to a park near my house. One of my favorite parks. I find myself coming here when I just need an escape from the world. So I went to this park and sat at a bench near the lake, facing the sunset. I brought my Bible and read a bunch of different things. First I opened up to Nehemia - the book my community group studied while I was in Spain. I opened up to the part where it talked about the rebuilding of the wall and I remembered all the conversations we had as a community group about restoration of hope. Hope, something we all lose at some time but if we are faithful God will restore it in us. "Restore a hope in me" I prayed and He restored hope in me last night.

Then I opened up to Matthew were we are told that we are not to worry. How can we add a minute to our life by worrying? If God takes care of the sparrows (who are just animals) then how much more will he take care of us whom he loves. Thus we should not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Hmm 'nuff said.

These are all great things, but the thing that I really want to tell you about is what happened next. I looked up for a while and stared at the sky and the beauty of the sunset reflecting off the water. I remember thinking something along the lines of "wow, the sunset looks like a fire... oh, to walk through a fire right now--even that would be better than this," and I started to cry. I felt so lost, so alone. Then I was I spoke outloud to my Father and said "okay, God, I know you are here. Tell me what you want me to hear." Then I open my Bible up to Isaiah 43 and the first thing I read is "When you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, the flames will not consume you"
So I kept reading these lines over and over again--

Thus says the Lord he who created you, he who formed you; fear not for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, the flames will not consume you.

Wow.

The above verse reminds me of my favorite psalm--psalm 139.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me...
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me...
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...

Isn't that an amazing fact we should all be reminding ourselves of daily?