ONE ADVENTURE AFTER ANOTHER...
We dropped off our bags at Termini (a metro stop in Roma), which ended up being a two hour adventure. Finally we got back to Ottaviano and walked to the Vatican. We went inside St. Peters' Basilica which was simply amazing. The entire time I just kept thinking, "dad and mom would love this." We went to the sisteen chapel and I simply couldn't beleive I was really seeing all of this in person. I got to see my all time favorite painting in person (the creation of Adam). We also went to the Roman Forum where I told Wendy, "This is the type of thing you only see in book." I can't believe I am in Rome. So far all my experiences with Italian men have been nothing but good. There was the security guard who asked me if I wanted to play with my soccer ball inside the vatican museum "you want to play now?" or the security guard who wanted to be in Wendy's pitcture. Or the charmer in the gift shop who just wanted people to laugh at him. We have also had a lot of funny experiences -- Wendy falling down the stairs, me putting my bag down on gum, putting my leg up against gum on a bench, and stepping on gum... all within five minutes. We also spent some time speaking in accents today. Wendy had a very sophisticated french accent and I had a southern white trash accent. They fit well together. But our goal for the day was to make people smile--and we did (although it was usually because they were laughing at us). We ate our first meal at a resutaunt! mmmm.... Italy. My life is now complete. We are also spending another night in the airport. This time we will both sleep at the same time and just guard our bags. We fly to Venice in the morning. Sleeping in the airport is not my favorite experience. I always wake up tired, cold, hungry, and dirty. Wendy and I took a picture of my dirty feet today so that we can show people just how gross backpacking through Europe is. Not knowing when you'll get to shower next and if you'll have a place to sleep. Although I would not trade this experience for the world, I am glad it is only for two week. I am realizing how incredibly blessed (and spoiled) I really am.
8.31.2005
8.30.2005
I Remember
I remember when you used to tell me
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours"
Well, I never told you this, but I never really wanted to see yours.
I remember when you told me
"It is perfectly normal to do this"
Well, I never believed you, I was just too scared to say something.
Do you remember how
you used to lie to the people we loved?
Well, you started me off early, now my whole life is a lie.
Do you remember the time
You stuck your tongue inside me?
Well, I felt so dirty that day, because it actually felt good.
One time I jumped
I said it was because I just wasn't ready
What I really wanted to tell you was how much it hurt.
One time I thought you peed
You told me I'll understand when I'm older
Well, now I am older and I still have so many questions.
Why did you choose me
To have your fun with?
I was so yound and so innocent.
Did you ever stop to think
It may affect me for the rest of my life?
Does what we did ever affect you?
You touched me in places my parents didn't feel comfortable naming
And deep down I knew it was so wrong
But I couldn't make it stop
You said "this is our little secret to keep between just us"
It actually made me feel good to know I was your "little girl"
I tried to tell a friend once
But she just laughed and didn't believe me
So I told myself she was just jealous of you and me.
I hope that sometimes
When you see me
You think about what you did.
But don't worry
I never told another soul
Your secret's still safe within.
--Written July 30, 2005 (artist will remain unmentioned)
"I'll show you mine if you show me yours"
Well, I never told you this, but I never really wanted to see yours.
I remember when you told me
"It is perfectly normal to do this"
Well, I never believed you, I was just too scared to say something.
Do you remember how
you used to lie to the people we loved?
Well, you started me off early, now my whole life is a lie.
Do you remember the time
You stuck your tongue inside me?
Well, I felt so dirty that day, because it actually felt good.
One time I jumped
I said it was because I just wasn't ready
What I really wanted to tell you was how much it hurt.
One time I thought you peed
You told me I'll understand when I'm older
Well, now I am older and I still have so many questions.
Why did you choose me
To have your fun with?
I was so yound and so innocent.
Did you ever stop to think
It may affect me for the rest of my life?
Does what we did ever affect you?
You touched me in places my parents didn't feel comfortable naming
And deep down I knew it was so wrong
But I couldn't make it stop
You said "this is our little secret to keep between just us"
It actually made me feel good to know I was your "little girl"
I tried to tell a friend once
But she just laughed and didn't believe me
So I told myself she was just jealous of you and me.
I hope that sometimes
When you see me
You think about what you did.
But don't worry
I never told another soul
Your secret's still safe within.
--Written July 30, 2005 (artist will remain unmentioned)
DAY 4
THE DAY FROM... NOT HEAVEN...
This morning we got into Rome at 8:00am. We dropped off our bags in out hostel, but we could not be in there until 2:30, so we went to St. Peter's Basillica. After we left, emotions started flying. We tried finding a store where we could buy some food for lunch and dinner but we could not find anything. When we finally found a store, it ended up only having food that needed to be cooked. So we ended up eating raw gnocchi, salad (no dressing), a block of cheese, and olives. We bought beer but could not open it because we did not have a bottle opener. We went to a park to sit in the shade but could only find hard, brown grass that was only half shaded. When it was finaly 2:30 we headed back to our hostel only to find that there was only one way in and out of the park and we had gone the wrong way. We walked all the way around the park (which took a good twenty minutes) and to our dismay, we were lost. I had been needing to find a toilet since noon and Wendy was feeling "discouraged." We avoided talking to each other except to say highly annoying things such as "I think we need to go this way" or "Do you want me to look at the map?" or "Are you sure we are going the right way?" At one corner, Wendy proceeded to throw down her arms and proclaim "I give up!"--That was when I knew that any words that would come out of my mouth before we arrived at our hostel could potentially end a four and a half year friendship. Did I mention Wendy spilled olive juice right where she was sitting in the park? She was not happy... Anyway, our mission was to find our way back to the Vatican and go from there. We eventually found our way back and came to a fountain where people were putting water on their faces and filling up waterbottles. I began to drink it.
"Is this water drinkable?" Wendy ever so innocently asks.
"Well," I say, "I'm drinking it."
Again, thoughts better left unspoken. Needless to say, we passed the nice man who had sold us our gelatto earlier that day (at 10:30am) and made it back to our hostel. And it was only 4:00! We took showers in the bathrooms down the hall and crashed on our beds. We woke up in just enough time to eat our raw gnocchi and "unfridged" yogurt for dinner. We decided we are still friends and could maybe even laugh about our day. After dinner, we found a bathroom attached to our room. As if we hadn't felt stupid enough we had both noticed the door earlier and thought it was nothing. Quoted:
Wendy says, "Look this is a bathroom! I thought it was just some random door."
Monaca replies, "Yeah, well, I tried to open that door..."
Again, we laugh.
DAY 4: (continued)
THE END TO A TERRIBLE DAY...
After our whole "discovering the bathroom" saga, the night got better. Wendy and I went for a walk and bought some drinks. When we got back to our hostel there were some really great guys hanging out in the lobby of the hostel, so we decided to talk to them for a while. HALLELUJAH! They had a bottle opener!! Wendy and I hung out with them and drank our warm Italian beer. We had a lot of fun, even though we weren't doing something really fun like playing poker. I like atmospheres like this. It makes me feel comfortable, though at times a little homesick. I miss big family BBQs--everyone sitting around drinking their beer or mike's playing cards or softball in the backyard... soon I will be there; but, oh, how I miss Spain already. A piece of me will be there forever.
This morning we got into Rome at 8:00am. We dropped off our bags in out hostel, but we could not be in there until 2:30, so we went to St. Peter's Basillica. After we left, emotions started flying. We tried finding a store where we could buy some food for lunch and dinner but we could not find anything. When we finally found a store, it ended up only having food that needed to be cooked. So we ended up eating raw gnocchi, salad (no dressing), a block of cheese, and olives. We bought beer but could not open it because we did not have a bottle opener. We went to a park to sit in the shade but could only find hard, brown grass that was only half shaded. When it was finaly 2:30 we headed back to our hostel only to find that there was only one way in and out of the park and we had gone the wrong way. We walked all the way around the park (which took a good twenty minutes) and to our dismay, we were lost. I had been needing to find a toilet since noon and Wendy was feeling "discouraged." We avoided talking to each other except to say highly annoying things such as "I think we need to go this way" or "Do you want me to look at the map?" or "Are you sure we are going the right way?" At one corner, Wendy proceeded to throw down her arms and proclaim "I give up!"--That was when I knew that any words that would come out of my mouth before we arrived at our hostel could potentially end a four and a half year friendship. Did I mention Wendy spilled olive juice right where she was sitting in the park? She was not happy... Anyway, our mission was to find our way back to the Vatican and go from there. We eventually found our way back and came to a fountain where people were putting water on their faces and filling up waterbottles. I began to drink it.
"Is this water drinkable?" Wendy ever so innocently asks.
"Well," I say, "I'm drinking it."
Again, thoughts better left unspoken. Needless to say, we passed the nice man who had sold us our gelatto earlier that day (at 10:30am) and made it back to our hostel. And it was only 4:00! We took showers in the bathrooms down the hall and crashed on our beds. We woke up in just enough time to eat our raw gnocchi and "unfridged" yogurt for dinner. We decided we are still friends and could maybe even laugh about our day. After dinner, we found a bathroom attached to our room. As if we hadn't felt stupid enough we had both noticed the door earlier and thought it was nothing. Quoted:
Wendy says, "Look this is a bathroom! I thought it was just some random door."
Monaca replies, "Yeah, well, I tried to open that door..."
Again, we laugh.
DAY 4: (continued)
THE END TO A TERRIBLE DAY...
After our whole "discovering the bathroom" saga, the night got better. Wendy and I went for a walk and bought some drinks. When we got back to our hostel there were some really great guys hanging out in the lobby of the hostel, so we decided to talk to them for a while. HALLELUJAH! They had a bottle opener!! Wendy and I hung out with them and drank our warm Italian beer. We had a lot of fun, even though we weren't doing something really fun like playing poker. I like atmospheres like this. It makes me feel comfortable, though at times a little homesick. I miss big family BBQs--everyone sitting around drinking their beer or mike's playing cards or softball in the backyard... soon I will be there; but, oh, how I miss Spain already. A piece of me will be there forever.
8.29.2005
My Trip -- continued again
So, I found my journal from my two weeks of traveling with Wendy. In case you haven't read them yet, here is day one and day two. So from now on, every day I will be adding a day from my journal.
DAY 3:
TRYING TO STAY AWAKE...
Right now I am sitting in the airport. Wendy is next to me on the floor sleeping. It is her turn to sleep, my turn to stay awake and watch the luggage. Earlier today we took a train to Anncey, France. Threre we walked to the lakefront and Wendy fell asleep for a bit. The mountains were indescribable. So far, the weather in Geneva has been significantly cooler, still nice--but cooler. I miss my quilt from the Cady's house. Tonight Wendy and I went to the musical festival in the park again. It was great! They played songs like "This Love" "You Outta Know" "Hit me baby one more time" and more. We went looking for a dance club or a bar, but Geneva has no nightlife. It's sad, really. Our flight is at 6:40am and we are going to Rome. I am so anxious to get there... my life-long dream to go to Italy is about to come true.
DAY 3:
TRYING TO STAY AWAKE...
Right now I am sitting in the airport. Wendy is next to me on the floor sleeping. It is her turn to sleep, my turn to stay awake and watch the luggage. Earlier today we took a train to Anncey, France. Threre we walked to the lakefront and Wendy fell asleep for a bit. The mountains were indescribable. So far, the weather in Geneva has been significantly cooler, still nice--but cooler. I miss my quilt from the Cady's house. Tonight Wendy and I went to the musical festival in the park again. It was great! They played songs like "This Love" "You Outta Know" "Hit me baby one more time" and more. We went looking for a dance club or a bar, but Geneva has no nightlife. It's sad, really. Our flight is at 6:40am and we are going to Rome. I am so anxious to get there... my life-long dream to go to Italy is about to come true.
8.27.2005
someone else
Last night I watched a crazy movie that got me thinking. As we all know, it is always dangerous when Monaca is thinking. So here is the story. A sixteen year old boy who has always felt ignored and unloved by his mother meets up with a kid about his age/height/bodyweight and kills him. But he makes it look like an accident and also makes it look like it was him who died and then he stole the other kid's identity. Then a couple years later he stole a new identity. And then another one. Essentially becoming a new person every two or three years. It is a crazy concept but it really got me thinking.
Who would I want to be if I became someone else?
Now don't worry I am not going to go around killing people and then stealing their identities! But there are some definite things I wouldn't mind changing about me. If I could be someone else, this is who I would be.
I would be more confident. I am sick of constantly worrying whether or not people like me. I would stop worrying about my weight and I wouldn't have to worry about my personality. I would be the kind of person who lights up a room just by entering. It would be easy for me to make friends and hard to lose them. I would change my temper. I would not be so easily annoyed and I would not snap at the people I love... or anyone for that matter. I would make it easy for people to love me, easy for people to have fun with me, and easy for people to be around me. I would be more faithful in serving my Lord. I would be more open to seeing the hurt in the world and more closed off to seeing materialism. I would know how to tell great stories that everyone can appreciate. I would know when to talk and when to shut up and I would always know the right things to say. I would know how to make people laugh. I would deal with stress in a healthy way--always taking time to relax no matter how busy life may get. I would deal with my sorrows in a healthy way--never dragging my friends down with me. I would be the friend that everyone would want to go to but they would always be two-way friendships. I would always have my priorities straight and always be able to have a healthy balance between God time, family time, friend time, school, work, and church. I would be respected for the choices I make and trusted to make the right ones. I would always think before I spoke, rationalize before reacting, and put love above all else. That is who I want to be.
Who would I want to be if I became someone else?
Now don't worry I am not going to go around killing people and then stealing their identities! But there are some definite things I wouldn't mind changing about me. If I could be someone else, this is who I would be.
I would be more confident. I am sick of constantly worrying whether or not people like me. I would stop worrying about my weight and I wouldn't have to worry about my personality. I would be the kind of person who lights up a room just by entering. It would be easy for me to make friends and hard to lose them. I would change my temper. I would not be so easily annoyed and I would not snap at the people I love... or anyone for that matter. I would make it easy for people to love me, easy for people to have fun with me, and easy for people to be around me. I would be more faithful in serving my Lord. I would be more open to seeing the hurt in the world and more closed off to seeing materialism. I would know how to tell great stories that everyone can appreciate. I would know when to talk and when to shut up and I would always know the right things to say. I would know how to make people laugh. I would deal with stress in a healthy way--always taking time to relax no matter how busy life may get. I would deal with my sorrows in a healthy way--never dragging my friends down with me. I would be the friend that everyone would want to go to but they would always be two-way friendships. I would always have my priorities straight and always be able to have a healthy balance between God time, family time, friend time, school, work, and church. I would be respected for the choices I make and trusted to make the right ones. I would always think before I spoke, rationalize before reacting, and put love above all else. That is who I want to be.
8.25.2005
Walk the walk
Sometimes I wonder what it really means to be a Christian. I can have the title and call myself a Christian but it means nothing if I am not living the lifestyle or, as some would say, walking the walk. Coming home from Europe was kind of culture shock for me, moreso than going to Europe. I went from this nice relaxing lifestyle of constantly being around amazing, God-centered people to always being rushed, not having an opportunity to spend quality time with anyone, either being around a bunch of people at once or being alone, and so on. I forgot how to breath.
More than anything, right now I am realizing that this year is not going to be easy. Going into this I had a lot I was planning on saying, but I think right now I am going to end it hear and say... God is working big time in my life and as time goes on I will keep you updated on how He works. He is teaching me a lot about walking the walk and how the only way to do that is to have a solid rock... a firm foundation.
Lyrics of the Day:
I will dance, I will sing
To be mad for my king
Nothing LORD is hindering
This passion in my soul
And I'll become even more undignified than this
Some may say it's foolishness
But I'll become even more undignified than this
And leave my pride by my side
More than anything, right now I am realizing that this year is not going to be easy. Going into this I had a lot I was planning on saying, but I think right now I am going to end it hear and say... God is working big time in my life and as time goes on I will keep you updated on how He works. He is teaching me a lot about walking the walk and how the only way to do that is to have a solid rock... a firm foundation.
Lyrics of the Day:
I will dance, I will sing
To be mad for my king
Nothing LORD is hindering
This passion in my soul
And I'll become even more undignified than this
Some may say it's foolishness
But I'll become even more undignified than this
And leave my pride by my side
a great day
First off, for anyone wondering why I have not posted my journal entries, it is because I lost my journal. But fear not, it has to be either in my house or in my car... in both cases it may be a while before I find it.
Anyway, I want to write about yesterday.
I started of the day on the wrong side of the bed. I woke up late, which would seem like a good thing because then I got extra sleep, but when I do that I get mad at myself and feel bad. Andrea depends on me to get to her house on time so that she can be at work on time. I ended up meeting her at the school after Nicholas' doctors appointment. The boys and I went to Chili's and picked up lunch for my mom (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM) and Andrea and a bunch of their co-workers. We brought it back and ate lunch with them, which was really nice. Then came my favorite part of the day. Michael and Nicholas and I went to Cosley Zoo. For those of you not from this area, Cosley is a small petting zoo near my house. It's great. The boys were adorable (as if they are ever not). They would go up to the animals and say "hi, cow" or "hi, owl" an so on. They got to pet a llama which was hillarious because llamas are kind of weird animals anyway. Then they saw this big bird that was kind of chicken looking and they went up to it saying "hi bird" and it ran to the other corner of the cage, so they followed. Again, "hi bird" and it runs off and they follow. They were just laughing and laughing and pretty soon a crowd of people gathered around to watch the two boys laughing and running around with this bird. I was getting all kinds of questions like "oohh, how old are they?" "are they yours?" "what's your relation to them?" "do you always do fun things like this when you are babysiting?" "are they twins?" "how are they so cute?" It was great. When I was asked the "are they yours?" question my answer was, "no, but if I ever have kids I want them to be just like these two."
Seriously, I have had some ups and downs with these boys... for example potty training -- not the best experience of my life. But these boys are really what keep me going throughout the days. I love coming home and telling my roommates another cute thing one of the boys did or said. They are so fun and I have a great time just being able to be a kid with them. I have recently started doing all of my favorite things my brothers and parents did with me as a kid with them. I introduced them to the tickle monster, even singing the sung my brother would sing to me. I sat in the garage with them and watched the rain. We enjoy our picnics and taking walks. I can't wait until we can play in the snow... actually I can, but...
Another blessing in my life is their mom. Andrea is a great mom and I admire her a lot. She loves these boys so much and I hope that if I ever have kids I will be as good to my kids as she is to Nicholas and Michael. She is also a great friend. I have come to value the fifteen minutes after she comes home when we just stand there and talk. I love talking to her and getting to know her better. I didn't realize the influence she had on my life until I left for Spain and missed her and the boys incredibly. Andrea and the boys also came over for dinner last night and my entire house joined us, which turned out to be really good.
After they left, my housemates and I had a lot of fun in the front yard. We had the trampoline out there and two hula hoops. Gerry and I were jumping through the hula-hoops and landing in a somersault and just being goofy. At one point we had two hula hoops being held high and Gerry and I jumped through them going opposite directions at the same time. Then we held one hula hoop up and Gerry jumped over it while I jumped through it at the same time. I still cannot believe no one got hurt last night. But it was fun. The last couple nights everyone in the house has been around and it has been a lot of fun just goofing off with them. Now this is what I was expecting when I moved in.
Anyway, I want to write about yesterday.
I started of the day on the wrong side of the bed. I woke up late, which would seem like a good thing because then I got extra sleep, but when I do that I get mad at myself and feel bad. Andrea depends on me to get to her house on time so that she can be at work on time. I ended up meeting her at the school after Nicholas' doctors appointment. The boys and I went to Chili's and picked up lunch for my mom (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM) and Andrea and a bunch of their co-workers. We brought it back and ate lunch with them, which was really nice. Then came my favorite part of the day. Michael and Nicholas and I went to Cosley Zoo. For those of you not from this area, Cosley is a small petting zoo near my house. It's great. The boys were adorable (as if they are ever not). They would go up to the animals and say "hi, cow" or "hi, owl" an so on. They got to pet a llama which was hillarious because llamas are kind of weird animals anyway. Then they saw this big bird that was kind of chicken looking and they went up to it saying "hi bird" and it ran to the other corner of the cage, so they followed. Again, "hi bird" and it runs off and they follow. They were just laughing and laughing and pretty soon a crowd of people gathered around to watch the two boys laughing and running around with this bird. I was getting all kinds of questions like "oohh, how old are they?" "are they yours?" "what's your relation to them?" "do you always do fun things like this when you are babysiting?" "are they twins?" "how are they so cute?" It was great. When I was asked the "are they yours?" question my answer was, "no, but if I ever have kids I want them to be just like these two."
Seriously, I have had some ups and downs with these boys... for example potty training -- not the best experience of my life. But these boys are really what keep me going throughout the days. I love coming home and telling my roommates another cute thing one of the boys did or said. They are so fun and I have a great time just being able to be a kid with them. I have recently started doing all of my favorite things my brothers and parents did with me as a kid with them. I introduced them to the tickle monster, even singing the sung my brother would sing to me. I sat in the garage with them and watched the rain. We enjoy our picnics and taking walks. I can't wait until we can play in the snow... actually I can, but...
Another blessing in my life is their mom. Andrea is a great mom and I admire her a lot. She loves these boys so much and I hope that if I ever have kids I will be as good to my kids as she is to Nicholas and Michael. She is also a great friend. I have come to value the fifteen minutes after she comes home when we just stand there and talk. I love talking to her and getting to know her better. I didn't realize the influence she had on my life until I left for Spain and missed her and the boys incredibly. Andrea and the boys also came over for dinner last night and my entire house joined us, which turned out to be really good.
After they left, my housemates and I had a lot of fun in the front yard. We had the trampoline out there and two hula hoops. Gerry and I were jumping through the hula-hoops and landing in a somersault and just being goofy. At one point we had two hula hoops being held high and Gerry and I jumped through them going opposite directions at the same time. Then we held one hula hoop up and Gerry jumped over it while I jumped through it at the same time. I still cannot believe no one got hurt last night. But it was fun. The last couple nights everyone in the house has been around and it has been a lot of fun just goofing off with them. Now this is what I was expecting when I moved in.
8.23.2005
homesick
Every Monday Heather sends out this newletter to members of Mountainview called Mountainview Moments. Each week I open up my email to find a newsletter. I love that I can be so far away yet still be part of the church family by knowing what is going on and how I can be praying.
Today, Mountainview Moments became the hardest email I have had to read in a long time. Maybe it's because I failed to keep myself busy today and was, thus, left with nothing but my boredom and irrational thought. Maybe it was because this morning I talked on the phone with Heather, Meg, and Nic and never appreciated the sounds of their voices more . Maybe it is because while instant messaging with Troy I knew he had to soon get ready to take the car to the train station and go into the city for Community Group and I wanted to join him. Maybe it is because when I came home today I walked into my kitchen to find a huge mess and I could not help but remember the hours Troy and I spent laughing in the kitchen one morning while we made our commercial for jam-off... the jam that doubles as a household cleaner. Maybe it's because I watched Spanglish tonight and spent the whole movie thinking about Troy and Heather and our movie list, missing the subtitles Heather always put on for lil' ol' deaf Monaca. Maybe it's because yesterday I heard my brother call his fiance "hon" and it reminded me of when Heather would call out to Troy "hey, hon?" and I would think she was calling out "hey, mon?" and answer her. Maybe its because I had a conversation with a friend today that left me feeling underestimated and misunderstood and I yearned for my friends in Spain (Heather, Troy, Teresa, Ana) who actually usually understood, despite how random or odd I may have been. Maybe it is because Andrea was talking to me about going swiming with her boys and I remembered trying to help teach Meg to swim and Nic always wanting to be in the pool. Maybe it is because I took a nap this afternoon and had a weird nightmare and wanted no one else but Heather to be right by my side to pray for me.
Whatever the reason, I was feeling really homesick for Spain today. When it came time to check my email, seeing Mountainview Moments in my subject line was the last thing I needed tonight at 1:30am. But, nonetheless, I read it. And it was good. It reminded me of what I miss and what I loved and reminded me how blessed I am to have been a part of that church and part of the Cady family, if even for only seven weeks.
Today, Mountainview Moments became the hardest email I have had to read in a long time. Maybe it's because I failed to keep myself busy today and was, thus, left with nothing but my boredom and irrational thought. Maybe it was because this morning I talked on the phone with Heather, Meg, and Nic and never appreciated the sounds of their voices more . Maybe it is because while instant messaging with Troy I knew he had to soon get ready to take the car to the train station and go into the city for Community Group and I wanted to join him. Maybe it is because when I came home today I walked into my kitchen to find a huge mess and I could not help but remember the hours Troy and I spent laughing in the kitchen one morning while we made our commercial for jam-off... the jam that doubles as a household cleaner. Maybe it's because I watched Spanglish tonight and spent the whole movie thinking about Troy and Heather and our movie list, missing the subtitles Heather always put on for lil' ol' deaf Monaca. Maybe it's because yesterday I heard my brother call his fiance "hon" and it reminded me of when Heather would call out to Troy "hey, hon?" and I would think she was calling out "hey, mon?" and answer her. Maybe its because I had a conversation with a friend today that left me feeling underestimated and misunderstood and I yearned for my friends in Spain (Heather, Troy, Teresa, Ana) who actually usually understood, despite how random or odd I may have been. Maybe it is because Andrea was talking to me about going swiming with her boys and I remembered trying to help teach Meg to swim and Nic always wanting to be in the pool. Maybe it is because I took a nap this afternoon and had a weird nightmare and wanted no one else but Heather to be right by my side to pray for me.
Whatever the reason, I was feeling really homesick for Spain today. When it came time to check my email, seeing Mountainview Moments in my subject line was the last thing I needed tonight at 1:30am. But, nonetheless, I read it. And it was good. It reminded me of what I miss and what I loved and reminded me how blessed I am to have been a part of that church and part of the Cady family, if even for only seven weeks.
8.20.2005
sorry about my disappearance
Dear friends,
Since I have been home from Spain a lot of things have been happening. Yes I broke a promise, which is very unlike me, but I wasn't sure it was a good idea for me to be blogging right now, plus I lost internet for a couple days. I decided I will take you all through a short version of my emotional rollercoaster. So here I go.
I got home from Europe and I was excited to be back but sad to leave all my friends in Spain. A piece of my heart will forever remain in Spain. As soon as I got home I was thrown into commitment overload. I played in a Survivor my cousin ran where I went 2 1/2 days without food and sleeping in a tent without pillows and blankets only to come in second place for the sole reason that the guy who won "drove six hours" to play. I spent the following week trying to recover from a pained back, jet-lag, and starvation but the busyness had not come close to slowing down. Now I had five days to finish planning for my family's game of the Mole. To top it off I spent one of those five with my family in downtown Chicago seeing the musical Wicked (which was amazing, by the way) and one day picking my cousins and aunt up from the airport and spending time with them. So, really I had three days... and I was stressed. So I saw two of my friends that week. The Mole went well, but the following day I started babysitting again. A friend of mine sent me a text message this week saying "I forgot how hard it was to get ahold of you!" and, though she apologized later for how harsh it sounded, she was right. I have always been like this--always double booking myself, being flakey about plans, not being able to do anything, rarely having time to talk on the phone. My priorities are all messed up.
On top of all of this, I went through kind of a serious stage of depression. I cried myself to sleep every night for about 6 days. I could not explain why but I could not stop crying. All I wanted was to curl up under the quilt Troy's mom made him and eat ice cream while watching a movie. Lexi, of course, would be laying next to me and Troy and Heather would be on the other couch. That is all I wanted. I miss that. I miss them. But that is not the reason for my depression or tears.
I don't know how much you know about me, but I need my alone time. A lot of people think I am an extrovert because I can be so friendly, but I am not... I am an introvert. I recharge by having time alone, time to myself, time with God. If I don't have at least an hour a day to pray, read my bible, and just sit... I am not a pretty sight. And I was so busy I did not have any alone time. I was miserable. If I was at home, I was not alone. Without a routine it was hard to maintain a balance and keep my priorities straight. It was also hard to leave Spain where I had finally found a great routine that I was not ready to change yet. I had said in an email that when I came home from Spain I would not be the same person I was before. Though that is true, I am not who I expected I would be. I still have a lot more room for growing, and I am excited to see what God is doing in my life.
I will also post my journal entries from now on... sorry about the delay.
Since I have been home from Spain a lot of things have been happening. Yes I broke a promise, which is very unlike me, but I wasn't sure it was a good idea for me to be blogging right now, plus I lost internet for a couple days. I decided I will take you all through a short version of my emotional rollercoaster. So here I go.
I got home from Europe and I was excited to be back but sad to leave all my friends in Spain. A piece of my heart will forever remain in Spain. As soon as I got home I was thrown into commitment overload. I played in a Survivor my cousin ran where I went 2 1/2 days without food and sleeping in a tent without pillows and blankets only to come in second place for the sole reason that the guy who won "drove six hours" to play. I spent the following week trying to recover from a pained back, jet-lag, and starvation but the busyness had not come close to slowing down. Now I had five days to finish planning for my family's game of the Mole. To top it off I spent one of those five with my family in downtown Chicago seeing the musical Wicked (which was amazing, by the way) and one day picking my cousins and aunt up from the airport and spending time with them. So, really I had three days... and I was stressed. So I saw two of my friends that week. The Mole went well, but the following day I started babysitting again. A friend of mine sent me a text message this week saying "I forgot how hard it was to get ahold of you!" and, though she apologized later for how harsh it sounded, she was right. I have always been like this--always double booking myself, being flakey about plans, not being able to do anything, rarely having time to talk on the phone. My priorities are all messed up.
On top of all of this, I went through kind of a serious stage of depression. I cried myself to sleep every night for about 6 days. I could not explain why but I could not stop crying. All I wanted was to curl up under the quilt Troy's mom made him and eat ice cream while watching a movie. Lexi, of course, would be laying next to me and Troy and Heather would be on the other couch. That is all I wanted. I miss that. I miss them. But that is not the reason for my depression or tears.
I don't know how much you know about me, but I need my alone time. A lot of people think I am an extrovert because I can be so friendly, but I am not... I am an introvert. I recharge by having time alone, time to myself, time with God. If I don't have at least an hour a day to pray, read my bible, and just sit... I am not a pretty sight. And I was so busy I did not have any alone time. I was miserable. If I was at home, I was not alone. Without a routine it was hard to maintain a balance and keep my priorities straight. It was also hard to leave Spain where I had finally found a great routine that I was not ready to change yet. I had said in an email that when I came home from Spain I would not be the same person I was before. Though that is true, I am not who I expected I would be. I still have a lot more room for growing, and I am excited to see what God is doing in my life.
I will also post my journal entries from now on... sorry about the delay.
8.07.2005
Sidenote
For all of you who are checking my blog daily for my journals, I would hate to dissapoint you, but I am not posting Day 3 yet. The only reason is that I do not have the energy to type it all out right now. I just spent the last 48 hours without being allowed to go inside, eat real food, or have fun. I played survivor with 16 of my cousins friends and I almost died of heat and hunger. I did however come in second (I SHOULD HAVE WON!) which is WAY further than I expected to go.
Needless to say, I am going to crash on my couch. I promise to blog my journal from here on out. Check it out tomorrow (Monday) I promise there will be something there. :)
Needless to say, I am going to crash on my couch. I promise to blog my journal from here on out. Check it out tomorrow (Monday) I promise there will be something there. :)
8.05.2005
DAY 2
GENEVA....
We stayed away from all public transportation today, which was fine because Geneva is pretty easy to get around on foot. We bought some pasteries for breakfast and sat at the lakefront watching people walk by. I took a picture of some guys really cool red rollerblades! Then we went to a co-op (food store) and bought some food for lunch, dinner, and tomorrow's breakfast. Then we came back to the new hostel we are staying in tonight (all girls dormitory) and ate lunch and took a nap. This hostel is quite quaint. Very "homey." There is a cathedral nearby (St. Pierre Cathedral) that rings a bell every fifteen minutes -- in a relaxing kind of way. Tonight we went to the English Garden, near the lakefront, where they had a festival. Wendy and I enjoyed sitting in the grass, drinking our beer, listining to "American" music playing live. There was even a "wannabe" buckingham fountian nearby. It was perfect. I remember sitting there thinking it doesn't get much better than this. Later that night we went into the old town and were people watching. This drunk AMERICAN teenager came and tried to get on a plastic cow (much like the ones in downtown Chicago) and she fell flat on her face on the ground. That pretty much made my night.... I love Geneva! If I knew French, I could live here.
**note to my readers... I will be away from a computer all day saturday so I won't be able to post. but I will be back on sunday!
We stayed away from all public transportation today, which was fine because Geneva is pretty easy to get around on foot. We bought some pasteries for breakfast and sat at the lakefront watching people walk by. I took a picture of some guys really cool red rollerblades! Then we went to a co-op (food store) and bought some food for lunch, dinner, and tomorrow's breakfast. Then we came back to the new hostel we are staying in tonight (all girls dormitory) and ate lunch and took a nap. This hostel is quite quaint. Very "homey." There is a cathedral nearby (St. Pierre Cathedral) that rings a bell every fifteen minutes -- in a relaxing kind of way. Tonight we went to the English Garden, near the lakefront, where they had a festival. Wendy and I enjoyed sitting in the grass, drinking our beer, listining to "American" music playing live. There was even a "wannabe" buckingham fountian nearby. It was perfect. I remember sitting there thinking it doesn't get much better than this. Later that night we went into the old town and were people watching. This drunk AMERICAN teenager came and tried to get on a plastic cow (much like the ones in downtown Chicago) and she fell flat on her face on the ground. That pretty much made my night.... I love Geneva! If I knew French, I could live here.
**note to my readers... I will be away from a computer all day saturday so I won't be able to post. but I will be back on sunday!
I'm back!
I am back and posting! Now it's time for me journal entries - so here is day 1
DAY 1:
WE DEPART...
Leaving Madrid was really hard but it is exciting to travel. The take-off was when I started to get emotional. I was NOT feeling ready to leave. Coming into Switzerland was great though. The mountains are beautiful and the grass is green. After Wendy and I left the airport we got on a bus that was supposed to take us to the train station in about fifteen or twenty minutes. After ten minutes we were at a stop that had a lot of people get on so we moved our bags onto our laps and sat together (previouly Wendy was sitting behind me and our bags were on the seats next to us). It took us about forty-five minutes to realize that that was the stop we should have gotten off at. Luckily, the bus circled around and went back to the train station. We were on that bus for almost an hour and a half. Then we realized the hostel we wanted to stay at closed at 8pm and it was already 9. So we stayed ate a more expensive one, ate dinner at McDonalds and watched CNN while smoking the french "ciggies" that we bought (for the whole European experience) and drinking the beer we got out of the vending machine. All we could do was laugh.
DAY 1:
WE DEPART...
Leaving Madrid was really hard but it is exciting to travel. The take-off was when I started to get emotional. I was NOT feeling ready to leave. Coming into Switzerland was great though. The mountains are beautiful and the grass is green. After Wendy and I left the airport we got on a bus that was supposed to take us to the train station in about fifteen or twenty minutes. After ten minutes we were at a stop that had a lot of people get on so we moved our bags onto our laps and sat together (previouly Wendy was sitting behind me and our bags were on the seats next to us). It took us about forty-five minutes to realize that that was the stop we should have gotten off at. Luckily, the bus circled around and went back to the train station. We were on that bus for almost an hour and a half. Then we realized the hostel we wanted to stay at closed at 8pm and it was already 9. So we stayed ate a more expensive one, ate dinner at McDonalds and watched CNN while smoking the french "ciggies" that we bought (for the whole European experience) and drinking the beer we got out of the vending machine. All we could do was laugh.
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