Why I love kids but don't want to be a mom

I got a call two days ago asking if I could babysit tonight. I had many options of plans for tonight (which is not normal for my Saturdays) but I welcomed the opportunity to babysit. I kept telling people it was because I need the money, but, in reality, I simply enjoy babysitting.

Halfway through the day today I realized that I wouldn't be getting there until 8:30 which meant the kids would be in bed and I got really sad. When I got there Lisa (the mom) told me that Brianna (the 3 1/2 year old) was up twenty minutes earlier asking "is Monaca here yet?" and when her mom said no she asked "Next time can she come earlier so I can play with her?"

That melted my heart and made me ask myself "why dont I want kids?" Really, I am good with kids and I love being around them at most times. I have an incredible amount of patience when it comes to kids. Then I started wondering why I loved being a nanny so much but don't really enjoy working in a school as much (don't get me wrong, I love my job, I just really miss nannying). Then it hit me.

My favorite moments at work are when the kids make me laugh. I loved coaching the girls basketball team because they were so down to earth and I could goof around with them and they respected me and we just had fun. I love babysitting and nannying because I just get to be a kid. I get to play games and laugh and have fun. Most times the kids respect me-no questions asked. When I am at work I have to be an adult. I have to act like an adult and not laugh when people fall down and not laugh at silliness.

I don't like being an adult.

I love being around kids because they are so innocent. When they smile my world seems to make sense. Parents so often get wrapped up in "being the adult" that they forget how important the little things are. The laughter that can melt a heart becomes a high pitched noise that causes a headache. The innocent barrage of questions become a nuisance. Kids get used to their parents as the disciplinarian and get used to the routine of life with their parents and (even if it is a fun routine) welcome the break when a babysitter comes. When I babysit the kids get my full attention and, for however long I am there, they are my only responsibility. I don't have to think about laundry and work and cleaning and other people and "adult things." My world becomes them and they keep my world turning.

Maybe I will want to be a mom someday--I hear kids are a joy. But for now, I hope this clears up the question people always ask and I hope you will all stop asking. I love kids because they bring out a part of me that I like. They remind me of faith and joy and hope and pure love and innocence. They let me be me without judgement. They play with me and let me teach them new things. They know how to have fun and they include me in their fun. How could I not love kids?

You're the one that I want

I'm going to teach Crocket how to do this...

Till we meet again

A memorial service was held for Grandma Dunkeld on Monday and I have been thinking about a song that was sung at the service since then. It was, of course, sung in Shona (the language of Zimbabwe) but it was beautiful. I think I would want this to be sung at my funeral as well. I love hymns. Here's the English version.

God be with you till we meet again;
by his counsels guide, uphold you,
with his sheep securely fold you;
God be with you till we meet again.

Till we meet, till we meet,
till we meet at Jesus' feet;
till we meet, till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
neath his wings securely hide you,
daily manna still provide you;
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
when life's perils thick confound you,
put his arms unfailing round you;
God be with you till we meet again.

Till we meet, till we meet,
till we meet at Jesus' feet;
till we meet, till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again;
keep love's banner floating o'er you,
smite death's threatening wave before you;
God be with you till we meet again.

How exciting is it that the Bible tells us we will recognize faces when we get to Heaven? Not only will we be worshiping our glorious Lord for eternity, we will be among loved one and friends. We will forever be with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Go away and never come back.

Maybe this is a result of Easter passing or maybe it's because Easter Sunday a year ago I was baptized or maybe it's because God is just that good, but regardless of why, I have been thinking a lot about Jesus. I have been asking myself questions like "why did he die for me?" I fail him all the time and he still wants me to be with him forever?? why?

Then I remember Psalm 139. He knit me together in my mothers womb. He has laid his hand upon me. No matter where I go, he is there. He knows my every thought, every word, every move. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. All of my days were written in his book.

I have had a lot of ghosts from the past that cause a lot of pain in my heart and leave room for the enemy to sneak his way in and tell me lies. I have sinned, as we all have, and I often fall short of the glory of God. Almost two years ago I wrote a post called the armor of God and I talked about how Satan uses our weaknesses to get into our minds. This is why we need the armor of God (read Ephesians 6 for more information). In the post, I talked about Smeagol and Gollum from Lord of the Rings and how our spiritual fights are much like his. Think about it.

Gollum:They're thieves! They're thieves! They're filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where is it? They stole it from us, our precious. Curse them! WE hates them! it's ours it is, and we wants it! We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
Smeagol: No! Not master.
Gollum: Yes precious. First they cheat you, hurt you, LIE.
Smeagol: Master's my friend!.
Gollum: You don't have any friends, nobody likes you!
Smeagol: I'm not listening, I'm not listening.
Gollum: You're a liar and a thief.
Smeagol: No!
Gollum: Murderer.

That sound like fights I constantly have in my head. Don't trust them. They'll lie to you, hurt you, cheat you! Nobody likes you! You have no friends! You're worthless.

But they keep going.

Smeagol: Go away!
Gollum: Go away?
Smeagol: I hate you, I hate you.
Gollum: Where would you be without me? Gollum! Gollum saved us! It was me! We survived because of me!
Smeagol: Not anymore.
Gollum: What did you say?
Smeagol: Master looks after us now, we don't need you anymore. Leave now and never come back!

This is what Jesus has done for us. He has given us the power to say to the enemy "No! Go away. I dont need you anymore! Jesus is all I need now. Jesus is my master!"

But it goes on...

Smeagol: Master looks after us now, we don't need you anymore. Leave now and never come back!
Gollum:What?
Smeagol: LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK! [Gollum screams]
Smeagol:LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK! [Silence]
Smeagol: We told him to go away and away he goes! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!

The Bible tells us that Jesus has set us free. We have the power to tell satan to go away and with the power of God, he will. Satan is no match compared to God and God is on our side! So we don't have to live in fear and live in lies and live in unhappiness becuase Jesus is our savior and he died so that we could live. He died so that we can tell satan to take his lies and leave and the enemy has no choice because he is WEAK.

How amazing is this? The weakness of God is still stronger than the strongest man (1 Corinthians 1:25) and with the strength of God, because of Jesus, there is a way out of every temptation to sin (1 Corinthians 10:13). He gives us the strength to not believe the lies of the enemy and to call him out on them and tell him to go away.

That is why Jesus died for us. God loved us so much that he sent his son so that we could call him master and live with him for eternity. When I was baptized a year ago I started my life over. All of my sins were washed away and along with them went the lies of the devil because I know I have been forgiven and I know I am loved.

Thank you for loving me Lord, even when I forget why.

Answers

In my previous post I asked a bunch of questions about gossip. Here is what I have come up with thus far.

We know that it is never okay to gossip. The Bible talks about this in numerous places. (Check out Matthew 15:10-11... this is my favorite verse on this topic)

Ephesians 5:11 says do not take part in the unfruitful works of the darkness (for context read 5:6-12). This clearly means we should never join in the conversation in any way. Okay so far so good. Now what?

Proverbs 20:19 says who ever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefor do not associate with a simple babbler. Does this mean that we should walk away?

Yes, I think we should walk away. Here's why:

James 1:27 says ...keep oneself unstained from the world (for context read 1:26-27). How are we to stay unstained from the world if we are allowing ourselves to hear malicious attacks on other people. If we are listening to gossip we are listening to things of this world. Proverbs 26:22 says the words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body (read 26:20-23 for more info). If this is true, and I believe it is because it is in the Bible, than how can we listen to gossip and not have it infect us? It goes down into the inner parts of our body... do I really want the Holy Spirit inside of me to be exposed to the words of a "whisperer"?

Just as, if not more, important than what is said above is this: where is are focus when people gossip and where is our focus supposed to be? Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things (Philippians 4:8). Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth (Colossians 3:2). If we stand there and listen to the gossip that is being spoken, whether we participate in the conversation or not, we are not putting our focus on what we are supposed to be focusing on. If we listen, we are setting our minds on things of this earth, not things that are above. Listening to gossip is as bad as taking part in gossip because we lose focus, thus being tempted to sin. And we all know what the Bible says about that in Matthew 18 - if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.

One last thought. As Christians we are called to be salt to the earth and a light of the world (Matthew 5:13-16). If we are listening to gossip without making it clear that we don't want any part of those conversations we are not being a light to the world. Instead, by not walking away we are making ourselves just like everyone else on this earth. We are almost condoning that kind of behavior and that is one of the last things we should want as Christians. How can we be an example of Christ if we don't stand out from the nonbelievers?

Good questions about gossip

I made a new friend a couple months ago and I want to tell you about our friendship because I have been blessed immensely by it.

Outwardly, her and I are very different people. She is much older than I am. She is an artist, I am far from it. She is not very outspoken, I generally speak my mind. She is soft-spoken, I am Italian (enough said). She loves cats, I think cats are the spawn of satan. She loves being a mom, I never want to be a mom. She always feels bad when people get hurt, I laugh. I love roller coasters and rollerblading down lake shore drive and playing sports and you wouldn't find her near anything daring or athletic. I think you get my point.

Inwardly, her and I are very similar people. We both love Jesus. We both love being around people but need to be alone to re energize. We like the same books. We have similar love languages. We have similar attitudes about almost everything (except cats). And there is a lot more but I can't share them without you knowing the both of us and our stories of how we became who we are today.

When her and I talk, even from day one of our friendship, we never talk about surface level garbage. We always talk about the things that matter. We talk about what it means to be a Christian in a fallen world. We ask questions about life and share our stories.

You know the book Tuesdays with Morrie? Every Tuesday this guy goes to visit Morrie and they talk and share their life stories and every conversation is a learning lesson. That is my friend and me. We call it our "after schools" conversations.

During our last "after schools" conversation, my friend brought up a topic that consistently weighs on my heart--judgement and gossip and judging gossipers. Let me explain.

After a faculty meeting one day, my friend was talking to someone and a coworker came up to that person and said something that was very clearly making fun of another coworker and they both laughed. My friend was appalled. First, this was obviously a coworker these two people have made fun of before. Second, why did this coworker think it was okay to make fun of someone else in front of my friend? (Sorry for the lack of names, I just can't use names in case anyone at work reads this). So my friend came to me asking what should she have done in that situation.

I wasn't sure, this is a tough one for me. This is a question I constantly go back and forth on. If she said something along the lines of "please don't talk like that in front of me" then these nonbelievers would have just accused her of being a judgemental Christian. She obviously didn't take part in the conversation or even laugh when they were laughing but should she have done more? Should she have walked away? What could be done in a situation like that?

The bible is very clear on gossip. We are not to let cursings and blessings come from the same mouth and it is not the things we put into our mouths that defile us but the things that come out of our mouths and so on. But where does it talk about when others are gossiping in front of you? I know it has to be somewhere in the Bible and for some reason I never looked into it until today. I did find an answer and I will share it with you tomorrow.