My Coccyx

Monday at 5:30 in the morning I was walking down the stairs and I somehow slipped. I hit the first stair so hard that I bounced up and missed the next two stairs and then slid on my tushy the rest of the way down. By the time I got to the bottom, the entire room was spinning and everything started to go black. Next, I threw up.

I don't really remember hitting my head - but somehow I got a minor concusion. I do remember hitting my tushy--that hurt more than I could have imagined. There is a small hairline fracture in my coccyx (my tailbone... I just like that word). I also unaligned my back somewhere in the process and now have a back that looks like an "S".

And I had gone so long without getting hurt. Geeze.

We're going to the Super Bowl!!

Four days! yay!

This weekend was a four day weekend for me! Friday was an institute day so the teachers had to stay but not the TAs which meant I got to relax all day. Then Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day which, again, means I get to relax all day. Leave it to Ari to go out of town on the weekend I have four days!

I didn't really do anything this weekend. I mainly just enjoyed the break from life. Over holiday break I didn't get much time to myself cause I was with my cousins all the time or working on stuff for the MOLE or with my mom and dad. So this weekend was just Crocket and me. I read a lot, taught Crocket the point of fetch (he never really caught on to it before), watched Forrest Gump with Mom and Dad, and took Crocket for a run. Fun times.

So now Ari is back and we are going out to dinner and tomorrow we are not doing anything or talking to anyone. That's my plan at least.

I don't really have much else to say. Sooooo... peace out.

A million ways

This is the same group who did the "Here We Go Again" song (the one with the treadmills)

I am so going to learn this dance!

Enjoy

Check it out

http://www.one.org/

FORGIVENESS

I have been learning an important lesson in forgiveness. And here it is... I need to forgive.

Sounds simple right? WRONG. I always thought I was a forgiving person and that I didn't hold grudges, but I am realizing now how false those thoughts actually are. Here's an example:

My brother.

I love my brother. He has always been a huge example to me of how to live a good life. I've written about him in the past about how he lights up a room just by being in it. He's wonderful and everyone agrees. So why would I need to forgive him? Growing up, I always had this terrible feeling that he was perfect and everyone compared me to him and I could never be as great as him... so where did that leave me? Empty. The thing is, he never made it easier for me. When my parents would hurt my feelings, Christopher took their side. When I had a hard time with a friend, Christopher told me I was maybe doing something wrong. Whenever I had a feeling that I couldn't help - he reassured me that my feelings were wrong and that I shouldn't feel them.

Now, I know that my brother would never hurt me on purpose and I know that he probably never realized how much those things affected me but I cannot help that they did. We have feelings for a reason and to push them aside and act like they aren't real only complicates things. So for years and years I have been pushing my feelings toward Christopher aside. I convinced myself that I was the problem and that he didn't need to be forgiven and that ate me apart.

I am sure my brother didn't even know he needed to be forgiven, but he did. So last week I decided I was going to forgive him and not just say I forgave him but to act it out. To love him even when he hurts me. To stop having negetive feelings toward him. To understand that I am just a small dot on this earth and that God has forgiven me and who do I think I am that I deserve forgiveness in any way, shape or form? I don't and I have still been forgiven, so why should I hold a grudge against anyone on this earth.

So my new goal for this year is to forgive Ryan--A guy who hurt me more than anyone else ever could. But not just to forgive him, but to love him. To recognize that though he has strayed from God's plan for his life, he is still a child of God and God still loves him. And if God loves him, who am I to think I am incapable of loving a child of God. And if he has been forgiven for his sins, which are no worse than my own, who am I to hold a grudge?

That doesn't mean it will be easy, but I want to try. And for those of you who know who Ryan is -- feel free to ask me if I have forgiven him yet... I am sure I will need the reminders.

Above forgiving the people who have hurt me in big ways I need it's also important to remember to forgive the little things. Even more important than that---asking others to forgive me.

So to everyone out there that I have hurt (and I know that there are a lot of you)... I truly am sorry. Forgive me as Jesus forgives all of us, though non of us (esspecially me) are worthy.

I Am

Someone sent this to me in an email. I thought it was cool. I also think you should copy it and delete whats green and fill in your own answers, then post in on your blogs...

I Am alive

I Want freedom

I Have hope

I Wish for peace

I Hate steak

I Fear darkness

I Hear rain on the roof

I Search for truth

I Wonder what's to come

I Regret nothing

I Love because Jesus loved

I Ache when I hurt others

I Always try to be myself

I Usually fail

I Am Not a liar

I Dance to free my soul

I Sing all the time

I Never hurt people intentionaly

I Rarely feel lonely

I Cry when I feel lonely

I Am Not Always what I seem to be

I Lose faith in humanity every day

I'm Confused about what I am doing with my life

I Need answers

Holiday Break

This break from work has been AWESOME. I have made an effort to spend as much time as possible with my cousins, which I love. I was telling my mom today that I love my friends, I truly do, but my cousins are like my "soul mates". And not because they are better than my friends but because they are my constant. I can tell other people about my past, but my cousins where there for it.

I got really stressed out while trying to run a reality game for my family the weekend before New Years. It went from Friday evening to Sunday early evening. Though it was a ton of fun (and so rewarding to watch my family have so much fun) I think I am done running the Mole. Maybe I'll do the amazing race next year. Anyway, once that ended I felt like I could finally let go/let loose and have fun. So we did. New Years Eve was excellent. As it always is. My family always has a party and we play cards and bring in the new year laughing and joking and having fun, the way it should be. I think that whenever I do move to Spain I would still have to fly home for the week of Christmas and New Years. I would miss it too much.

And that's all I have to say about that. It's hard to explain why I have been having so much fun. Maybe it's because I haven't had to coach basketball, work on MOLE stuff, spend all day with sixth graders, work as a waitress on the weekends, and on top of that try to be a good daughter, friend, and girlfriend AND try to follow Christ through it all. Not that I don't like keeping busy, but I often overdo it and forget my real priorities. Anyway, maybe this year I will be better. Who knows...

I'm here again...

This break from work has been exactly what I needed. I feel like I have been able to get my life back in order and breath again. I feel like I have been able to reconnect with God again. I feel like myself again.

Though I always knew this, I am really figuring out how much of my identity gets based off of who I am in my family. I am a LaMonaca and there is no denying that. I am a daughter, a sister, a niece, and (my favorite roll) a cousin. Everything I know about being a friend was developed through these rolls first. So, when my brother goes back home and my cousins go back to school and my aunts and uncles stop inviting me over... I forget who I am.

My New Years resolution -- figure out who I am as a daughter of Christ. As Christ's bride. As Christ's sister.

I feel like I come to this point over and over again where I realize a case of missing identity. At least once a year I need to come back here and say "who am I in your eyes, Lord?" So, now I am on an adventure to figure that out.

I'll write about my Christmas and New Years tomorrow.