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Well, I am back from Spain and here are my reflections.

When I went away to school at Calvin, I wrote a speech about my family. I talked about how my cousins are my best friends and how a piece of me dies every time I am away from them and then comes back alive when I am with them. I have never felt that way with anything else, until I went to Spain.

When I am in Spain there is a part of me that comes alive. I feel whole. I feel good. I feel like I belong. Not in a sense of "I fit in" but in a sense of "this is where I am supposed to be." Which is great when I am there, but really not so great when I come back. I fall into this semi-"i miss spain"-depression. It is so hard for me. Not that I don't love being around my friends and family here, but there is a small part of me that dies when I leave a place I love.

My brother, Christopher, told me that he thinks I need a change in my life and I know he is right. I have always had a sense that there was something greater out there and that is where I belong. I hated high school; hated it with a passion. I thought Calvin may have been the change that I needed, but it wasn't. I came back home and thought going to community college and living with my friends might be the change I needed but it wasn't. After going to Madrid this summer I thought moving there might be the change I needed but I didn't want to get my hopes up. When I went back again, I knew. I know that is where I am supposed to be. And not just because of the people.... but everything. The culture, the church, the friends.

Don't get my wrong, I love my friends here and I am so glad I did everything I did cause otherwise I wouldn't have met so many great people. But my heart is definitely in Spain and they say home is where the heart is. So now I am just concentrating on how I can go back home as quickly as possible.