Left-handedness

Ari is left-handed and he wrote this thing when he was in high school and he wants people to read it cause it is really good (in my opinion) so I am posting it. I think you should read it... if you don't I'll come after you...

THE DECLARATION FROM LEFT HANDEDNESS

Action of Ari Leo, September 17, 2001

The unanimous Declaration of the Left-Handed Community

WHEN in the Course of Writing Events,

it becomes necessary for all people who write with their left hand to say enough is enough, and to dissolve the genetic bonds which have made them left-handed, and to assume the equal opportunities and chances afforded to those who are right-handed, the reasons and causes for this must be declared.

WE who are left-handed hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are not created equal, that their left-handedness did not give them the same rights given to those among us who are right-handed. All children from henceforth shall be forced to become right- handed, resulting in a future society of only right-handedness. It has become impossible for the left-handed to function properly in our right-handed society. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

Left-handedness has kept us from writing smudge-free on poster boards, which is a necessity for school.

Left-handedness has refused us the use of normal scissors and one can never find left-handed scissors when one needs to.

Left-handedness has refused to allow people to see what they are writing as they write, forcing one to write in an ungodly, twisted manner.

IN every one of these cases the left-handed have attempted to solve these issues: Ned Flanders attempted to open a store for the left-handed, but it was crushed.

No left-handed person has been unreasonable in trying to fit into society. We have very nicely vocalized our hatred for the inconveniences of left-handedness and on every occasion we have been repeatedly blackened by the ink or lead on our left hand.

I, therefore, the Representative of the LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE OF AMERICA, in my ROOM, By myself, appealing to the General Public of the World to save their kids from the horrors of LEFT-HANDEDNESS, do, in the name of the respected Ari Leo, declare that all ties are, and ought to be hereby dissolved between the LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE OF AMERICA and left-handedness, and that as a free and independent people have full power to levy war on left-handedness, and all other rights of the Right-Handed. We pledge to fully support each other in our quest for equality.