Madrid

I know, I know--it's been a month. It's been a long month. I have been avoiding posting because I knew if I posted I would have to tell about about this. And once I tell you about this...it's real. It's official. And I don't want it to be real or official.

Ari and I are not moving to Spain. At least it's not in the plans. I am hoping God brings us there some day... but I know it won't be any day in the next couple of years.

After I spent a summer in Spain I was really feeling a calling to go there. There had just been talk about Troy and Heather splitting off and starting a new church in the city and I was so excited about what they were doing and I was ready to go. The plan was to come home and make some money and leave. I felt a strong calling from God and I was ready.

Well, then I met Ari. And I wanted to be with him. I wanted to wait until Ari finished school before I went so that he could come with me. Then we were going to wait until we got married. And it kept being pushed off longer and longer. Finally there was no reason to push it off any longer--Ari and I were going to get married and we were going to move to Madrid.

But the calling has faded. My time is up. I don't feel needed anymore. I don't feel like this is part of God's plan anymore. I waited around for so long that I missed my calling. I always thought that when God calls you somewhere, he calls you until you are ready to go and when you go he's happy until he's ready to move you somewhere else. I'm learning that when God calls us some where, he calls us as we are. Right then and there -- drop everything and follow him. "Let the dead burry the dead"

Now I just want to finish my degree and start working as a social worker. I don't feel any other calling.

I am incredibly sad though because my heart will always be in Madrid. It's the first place I've felt like I belonged, like I fit the culture and the people. I miss it.I guess this means I'll just have to do a lot of visiting now.

I'm so sad.