sorry about my disappearance

Dear friends,
Since I have been home from Spain a lot of things have been happening. Yes I broke a promise, which is very unlike me, but I wasn't sure it was a good idea for me to be blogging right now, plus I lost internet for a couple days. I decided I will take you all through a short version of my emotional rollercoaster. So here I go.

I got home from Europe and I was excited to be back but sad to leave all my friends in Spain. A piece of my heart will forever remain in Spain. As soon as I got home I was thrown into commitment overload. I played in a Survivor my cousin ran where I went 2 1/2 days without food and sleeping in a tent without pillows and blankets only to come in second place for the sole reason that the guy who won "drove six hours" to play. I spent the following week trying to recover from a pained back, jet-lag, and starvation but the busyness had not come close to slowing down. Now I had five days to finish planning for my family's game of the Mole. To top it off I spent one of those five with my family in downtown Chicago seeing the musical Wicked (which was amazing, by the way) and one day picking my cousins and aunt up from the airport and spending time with them. So, really I had three days... and I was stressed. So I saw two of my friends that week. The Mole went well, but the following day I started babysitting again. A friend of mine sent me a text message this week saying "I forgot how hard it was to get ahold of you!" and, though she apologized later for how harsh it sounded, she was right. I have always been like this--always double booking myself, being flakey about plans, not being able to do anything, rarely having time to talk on the phone. My priorities are all messed up.

On top of all of this, I went through kind of a serious stage of depression. I cried myself to sleep every night for about 6 days. I could not explain why but I could not stop crying. All I wanted was to curl up under the quilt Troy's mom made him and eat ice cream while watching a movie. Lexi, of course, would be laying next to me and Troy and Heather would be on the other couch. That is all I wanted. I miss that. I miss them. But that is not the reason for my depression or tears.

I don't know how much you know about me, but I need my alone time. A lot of people think I am an extrovert because I can be so friendly, but I am not... I am an introvert. I recharge by having time alone, time to myself, time with God. If I don't have at least an hour a day to pray, read my bible, and just sit... I am not a pretty sight. And I was so busy I did not have any alone time. I was miserable. If I was at home, I was not alone. Without a routine it was hard to maintain a balance and keep my priorities straight. It was also hard to leave Spain where I had finally found a great routine that I was not ready to change yet. I had said in an email that when I came home from Spain I would not be the same person I was before. Though that is true, I am not who I expected I would be. I still have a lot more room for growing, and I am excited to see what God is doing in my life.

I will also post my journal entries from now on... sorry about the delay.