coming alive

My life has been an emotional rollercoaster this month. There have been rejoicing and smiling and tears shed and hurt and love and pain and fear and honor and joy all at the same time. I have been up and down and don't even know where to start.

I started babysitting again. Which has been absolutely wonderful. Nicholas and Michael are great kids and they really keep me going. I will really miss it when they start preschool full time. It almost makes me want to get qualified to be a home school teacher... maybe Andrea would still let me babysit them then... ha, just kidding. Nonetheless, I am completely enjoying the job I have.

My health is almost completely back to normal. I think I am going to start running a short distance tomorrow and then slowly further that distance each day. We shall see how my body handles that. Hopefully I will be able to be back to my normal self by next weekend.

Two weekends ago I went on a ski trip with my family (and by family, I do not mean a single person in my immediate family). I, of course, did not ski; but that ended up being pretty cool anyway because I sat in the bar/lounge all day with uncle tom, aunt cheryl, aunt carol, uncle tony, aunt nettie, and ang playing cards. ALL DAY. It was fabulous. Then at night my cousins and I would come up with fun things to do. Playing hearts, hide and seek, and other crazy games. It was a great trip. The day after we got back from the weekend in Wisconsin, my cousins (Justin, Tommy, Anna, Danny, and I) went over to our grandmother's house and played some cards with her. She took our money (as always). I don't know why we play with her, she always wins... but we love it. That night was really fun but also kind of a sad night. I had to say goodbye to Tommy who went back to school in Miami, Florida. Then I had to say goodbye to Justin who went to Australia for his semester. It was really sad.

I talked to Ann on the phone for the first time! (For those of you who don't know--my closest friend, Ann, left for the Middle East on January 1 to be a missionary.) It was so good to talk to her. She seems to be doing well. We told a lot of stories, laughed A LOT, and cried. It was an emotional phone conversation, but neccesary and wonderful. I miss her a lot. It's not really that I miss how supportive she was or that I miss telling her everything or that I am really lonely without her (although I miss all of those, I have other good friends that are here for me). I really miss the little stuff. My friendship with Ann was all about the little things. We would tell each other the dumb things we did during the day -- like fall down the stairs or get someone's name wrong or have a funny conversation or spill food on ourselves. We would tell each other all the fun little things we did during the day like play a fun game or run around to the mission impossible theme song or play a trick on a friend. And we would keep each other accountable on everything. I miss that. I miss knowing all the little things that are happening in her life and I hate not being a part of it. So talking to her was good, we shared a bunch of little, unimportant stories that, to us, seemed to be the most important thing in the world. And it was emotional, but wonderful.

Speaking of missing friends... This weekend I went up to Calvin, my old school. I brought my good friend, Brad, because he is thinking about going to school there. I am pretty sure after this weekend he is definitely going to go to school there. We had so much fun. I cannot really express how sad I was to leave behind my friends. It has been hard because lately I have felt like, besides a very select few, my friendships in Chicago have been lacking. I have been hungry for friends who know how to have a good time and know how to be encouraging. My frineds at Calvin are like that, and I miss them. It felt good to be able to laugh all weekend. I feel like I don't laugh very often these days -- which is sad because laughing is what makes me "come alive"

This has been a dry month. Maybe my weekend will be the start of a more uplifting month. Maybe I will be able to come alive... It's a good thing I have such a wonderful, supportive boyfriend...